How do you challenge your own shortcomings?

“Are you safe?”

Ever since I landed in Ghana, this has been one of the most frequently asked questions from friends in the US.

Every time this question is asked, I can’t help but wonder, “What about Africa does the other person not find safe?”

Is it that I may be the only Caucasian within many, many miles?

Is it the fear of catching an unknown disease?

Is it because the poverty is much higher than a lot of other countries?

But even if the poverty level is higher, does that necessarily mean it’s unsafe?

Or is it something completely different?

This question was asked when I went to other European countries.

But, not in the same order.

It was asked well into the conversation.

Sometimes, not asked at all.

Once I got to Africa, this question has been asked at the beginning of most conversations.

I asked myself the same question, “What about Africa did I perceive as unsafe prior to arriving in Ghana?” and I discovered something.

I realized the perception I carried with me about people of color for many years.

Ever since I was a kid, I remember watching movies where those of color would be perceived as criminals and drug dealers.

This impacted my view greatly.

During my teenage years, there were times when I would cross the street once I saw a person of color sharing the same sidewalk.

There have been times when I’ve been scared to walk down dark alleyways, yet I wasn’t scared to do so if it was another white person there.

I am not here to blame anyone or anything.

I am simply acknowledging my shortcomings.

I have had to rewrite many of the stories I have written about people of color.

Even where I am today, I know I still have much work to do.

What is your perception of different races? What are the narratives you’ve created about those who are different from you?

What are the things you’re searching for?

“Our search is not for the thing, but the feeling that thing gives us.”

The other day, I caught up with an old friend of mine.

It has been years since we last saw each other, yet it felt as if no time had passed.

We shared one story after another.

The places we’ve been to.

The jobs we’ve had.

The people we’ve met.

Halfway through our conversation, he said something that still hasn’t escaped my mind.

“Our search is not for the thing, but the feeling that thing gives us.”

I looked at the burger in front of me.

Then, the iPhone.

Then, my clothes.

I thought, “He couldn’t be more right.”

I wasn’t searching for these items individually, rather the feeling those things could give me.

The feeling of not being hungry.

The feeling of being connected.

The feeling of being warm.

What are the things you’re searching for? What do you hope to feel when you find those things?

How are you making others feel valued and seen?

“Good morning, Boss!”

The other day, a friend of mine had said these words as he was talking to the Uber driver.

It wasn’t the first time I heard these words after my arrival to Ghana.

However, it was the first time these words peaked my interest.

I asked, “Why do people call others ‘boss’, especially when the person is not their boss?”

He responded, “It is meant to make others feel important or valued …”

Regardless of the role, whether it was the person checking our entry tickets at the Asenema Waterfalls, countless of Uber drivers or someone who is making your food, people call others “Boss, King, Director … the list goes on.”

All titles having one common denominator: to make others feel valued and seen.

How are you making others feel valued and seen?

The Art of the Start

“I don’t have the right equipment.” 

“There are thousands of others who are doing what I want to do.”

“Who am I to ask others questions? I’m not an expert.”

For years, these thoughts roamed through my head, preventing me from starting something I wanted to do.

A podcast where I could create a space for others to be seen, heard and valued. 

Before you read any further, please acknowledge and internalize the following, “It doesn’t have to be perfect.”

Self-limiting belief #1: “I don’t have the right equipment.”

The first few episodes, I recorded using a MacBook Pro, Blue Yeti, and a picture from our first fundraising event, which I hung in the background of my closest to give it a more professional feel.

“Closet?”

“Yup, I recorded the episodes from my apartment closet.”

It was the only room I could control the sound quality.

I had to move all of my clothes to a side where they weren't being seen in the background and run the AC an hour before, otherwise it became unbearably hot (Texas heat). 

On days when I forgot to turn on the AC in advance, I recorded the episode via audio only. I didn’t want the guest to see me sweating profusely.

Self-limiting belief #2: “Who am I to be hosting a podcast and asking questions to others? I’m not an expert.”

I believed these thoughts for a long time prior to starting the podcast.

I still wonder at times, how many projects I could have started and finished if I understood what I know now, “Who says that I have to be an ‘expert’ to start? "No one is an expert when they start."

I re-framed it in my mind, and gave myself permission to ask questions that I wanted to know the answers to.

Self-limiting belief #3: “There are thousands of others who are doing what I want to do.”

So, what?

“Why can’t I be the millionth?” I asked myself.

It may be true that there are thousands of others doing similar things.

However, no two conversations are the same, questions may be heard differently depending on who is asking, answers will be different depending on how the question is asked and who is asking it.

I’m curious to hear from you, “What do you want to start now that your thoughts may have held you back from previously?”

If you don’t know how to start something ask for help. Reach out to people who know more about whatever it is, be curious, research, surround yourself with others who have experience in doing the same thing and learn from them.

I’m here for you and happy to share what I know. Your network is here for you. We’re all here cheering you on!!!

Oleg Lougheed is the host of the Overcoming Odds Podcast, where you get a glimpse into the stories of individuals who have overcome adversity, suffering, and struggle in achieving their personal success.

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How do you choose to see yourself?

“How do I choose to see myself?” I thought as I was getting ready to embark on the next chapter of my life, college.

Was I going to continue to see myself as my classmates and teachers saw me? 

It was difficult to leave the place I was raised in since I was 12 years old; the smell of my mom’s freshly-made, perfectly-cooked blueberry pancakes; the cloudy afternoons when I helped my Dad shovel the snow off the driveway; the hours I played with our dogs, Derby and Rocky, rolling around on the floor of the family room, becoming a vacuum as I picked up all of the dirt around me.

As difficult as it was to leave, I knew that I had to go.

I’ll always remember that car ride, sitting in the middle section of my mom’s minivan, tears streaming down my face, envisioning what this next chapter of my life could be, an opportunity to redefine how I chose to see myself.

In the prior years, middle school and high school, I was viewed as a “trouble maker” and sometimes a “bully”. 

I would talk back to teachers, I made fun of classmates, I was disruptive. This was the expectation of my peers and so I became what they expected me to be. 

I spent more time in the principal’s office than anyone ever wanted to.

For the longest time, I wanted to forget all of those experiences. 

I wanted to forget about all of the pain I may have caused others. 

But, instead, I chose not to forget the pain I may have caused. I chose to look at those experiences head-on and all the lessons that I could learn from them. 

One of the greatest lessons I learned was that I do not have to be what people perceive me to be. I can choose who I want to be. 

Going to college helped me break that cycle, it instilled enough excitement and hope within me that my life could be different.

I didn’t know HOW, I just believed that it was POSSIBLE.

I look back at that time in my life to remind myself that all is POSSIBLE. It is POSSIBLE to view myself in a different light despite the circumstances I was born into; it is POSSIBLE to leave my tribe behind and join a new tribe; it is POSSIBLE to dig deep enough to rid myself of negative behavior. It is POSSIBLE to learn from past experiences; it is POSSIBLE to love myself wholeheartedly.

It is POSSIBLE!

If you enjoyed this, please share your thoughts by commenting below or joining us on one of our weekly, “Courageous Conversations” virtual meetup gatherings.

Perception is everything ...

“Every little bit helps.” a sign a man was holding in the middle of the street.

As I passed him, I thought to myself, “How many people actually stop and talk to him?”

Sure, he may not be “properly” dressed, as his jeans had holes and he appeared to be in need of a warm shower. 

I thought, “Regardless of his appearance, he’s still a human being.”

Instead of going to my initial destination prior to my interview with NBC, I chose to stop by the closest restaurant to buy (2) sandwiches.

As I walked out of the restaurant, I saw that the homeless man was no longer standing in the same place.

He was making his way up the street.

“Sir, sir,” I screamed across the street.

As I caught up to him, I asked, “Would you like to share a meal with me?”

“Yes,” he responded.

We sat together, on the curb, cars passing on both sides of us, sharing memories from our past and a laugh or two.

I realized something in that short time we spent together on the curb.

Perception is everything.

I chose to look at him as another human in need, wanting to be seen, to be heard and to be supported.

I did not see him as someone who appeared homeless, wearing torn jeans or in need of a shower.

I chose to SEE him. I created a space where he could experience being seen, heard and supported. I believe most of us want this in life.

I asked him, “How many people stop and talk to you?”

His response, “none.”

Tears fell from my eyes, as in that word “none” I knew that people’s perceptions had won their view.

I’m sharing this act of kindness, not for recognition but rather to challenge yourself to CHOOSE not to judge. Like the saying goes, “Never judge a book by its cover.”

This human being has a story, just like we all do, and giving him the opportunity to share his story was exactly what he needed.

Let’s support one another and remember there is no good in judgment.

Love you all ♥️

Who are you?

Have you ever been asked, “Who are you?” 

I have, many times.

I remember one time in particular, as I was being interviewed on a podcast, the host said, “Who are you?”

Instantly I wanted to give a single answer to such question, but then I realized that I was so much more than that.

As I sat there, in silence, with my hands interlocked, pondering on how to answer the question, I began to think…

I am authentic.

I am resourceful.

I am kind.

I continued to rattle off the tip of my tongue what appeared to be a never-ending list of values, beliefs and experiences that identified who I was. 

Answering the question made me realize that I am complex. Although I may choose to identify myself as only one thing, I truly am so many things all wrapped into one person.

I am the byproduct of multiple identities and will continue to grow in that way.

It made me realize that my identity is an ongoing process, not meant to be answered with a single label. How could I be just one single thing at any point in my life? I am so much more than that.

When asked, “Who are you?” how do you answer such question?

If you enjoyed this, please share your thoughts by commenting below.

Did you ever find yourself seeking external validation? If so, what did you hope that person or group of people would tell you?

I recently asked a friend of mine on our podcast, “Did you ever find yourself seeking external validation? If so, what did you hope that person or group of people would tell you?”

As she began to share moments from her life of when she was seeking external validation, I started to think of instances when I found myself seeking approval or permission from others.

It was difficult to pinpoint the origin of when it all started.

One memory after another flashed in front of my eyes.

It was as if I was watching a movie.

The only parts missing were a 60-inch and a bowl of popcorn.

As I tried to go deeper within each memory, hoping that it would lead me to the origin of why I chose to seek validation from others, I noticed that the memories began to repeat themselves, over and over again, starting with 2005, the year that I was adopted from Chebarkul’, Russia by a family from Ann Arbor, MI.

I felt like a newborn after the adoption took place, even though I was 12 years old.

I spoke very few words of English … and only understood a handful of the culture that I was deeply immersed in …

I was desperately looking for a place of comfort or familiarity, a place where I belonged.

For me, seeking approval or permission was one way for me to develop that sense of belonging.

It was a practice I was far too familiar with from the three years of living in the Russian orphanage, a place where we had no choice, or so it appeared that way. I would seek approval or permission from the authorities before making a decision, no matter how big or small it might have been.

But, as the saying goes, “too much of anything can be bad for you.”

My case was not any different.

Although, seeking approval and permission from others might have helped me at the beginning, as the years went by, it took away my self-confidence and self-belief in my own decision-making abilities.

The lack of self-confidence and self-belief made me indecisive, in situations where I felt comfortable making my own decisions before.

Seeking approval or permission from others was becoming the norm, my norm. 

It seemed that no matter what the situation was, whether it was intimate relationship I was part of, business endeavor, a friendship … I was seeking the other person’s approval or permission for the decisions I was to make.

It took years; before I was able to reverse engineer what I had created. 

In fact, that is the most important message, for me at least, to acknowledge and take ownership that even in situations where I felt like I was being dependent on others, I was still the person that was making the final decision.

Even at the orphanage, where seeking approval and permission was in your best interest, unless you wanted to be punished, I could have disobeyed what I was told and chose differently.

We all have a choice, at all times, even in situations where it may not seem like it.

As I was once told, “The decision not to make a decision is still a decision.”

If you enjoyed this, please share your thoughts by commenting below or sharing it with others in your community!!!