Why do you choose to document your experience? What impact would you like your life to make?

“Why do you want to document your experience?”

Yesterday, I was asked this question by a friend of mine, Richard Marks.

I sat there, in complete silence, and was reminded of my late grandfather.

I was in 10th grade, when my U.S. History teacher had assigned a project.

The project was to interview an individual who had been a part of a world changing event.

I immediately thought of my grandfather, Walt Lougheed.

On my way home, I started to think of questions I’d ask him, as well as some of the logistics for how to capture our conversation.

Days later, I conducted the interview and presented it in front of my class.

However, as I think about the experience I shared with him, I believe that the ultimate lesson or goal was not the grade I received for it.

It was the importance of documenting someone else’s journey.

Creating an opportunity for a part of them to live beyond their years.

As I think about my grandfather today, I am fortunate to have this ONE recording of him.

As I playback the recording, I can still hear the wisdom in the vibration of his voice, the courage it took to share his truth.

In my grandfather’s case, it is the only recording I have of him.

I can’t say the same about many other people that have passed away.

I choose to document whether it’s via writing, podcasting or speaking, because I want future generations to get to know the amazing people that live on this planet.

The ways that people view life compared to how they might view life 50 years from today.

I want to capture what I believe to be an important element of being alive.

One’s connection to others, as well as one’s connection to self.

“Why do you choose to document your experience? What impact would you like your life to make?”

What were the things you used to do to avoid speaking in public?

“I used to be terrified of speaking in public.”

The other day, as I was driving by Applebee’s, I was reminded of the times when my family and I used to go there for dinner.

However, it wasn’t the dinner itself that I remembered, rather what I used to do to avoid speaking in public or placing my order.

This didn’t happen every time, but often enough that it stuck around in the back of my head to this day.

I remember the drive to the restaurant.

The whole way there, I’d be practicing how I’d respond to the server.

One voice in my head would ask, “What would you like today?”

The other voice would respond, “I’d like chicken fingers and fries, please.”

I’d repeat this scenario over and over again until we had reached our destination.

Then, the fear would set in.

All of the practice went straight out the window.

The fear was so real that instead of sticking to the plan and repeating what I had practiced on the way there, I’d shift my focus to Plan B.

Find a way to not have to place the order.

Here’s how it all took place.

As the host would help us find our table, I would sit down for a brief minute, look around, try to spot who would be serving us.

As I saw the server make his or her way toward us, I’d make a run for the bathroom.

But, before leaving the table, I’d tell my parents my exact order just in case I was “still in the bathroom” when the server came by to take the orders.

I would stay in the bathroom for at least 10 minutes, hoping that the order already took place.

Most times, as I returned back, the order was already placed.

Other times, I had to face the fear and place the order myself.

In fact, the more I think about it now, the reason why I chose chicken fingers and fries was because it was easy and quick to say.

Unlike some of the other items on the menu such as, “Grilled salmon with mashed potatoes and a side salad”.

The last thing I wanted to do was prolong this experience.

I wanted it to be as quick and painless as possible.

As you think about your own experience, “What were the things you used to do to avoid speaking in public?”

"Sometimes taking a step forward is taking a step backwards"

“Sometimes taking a step forward is taking a step backwards.”

The other day, as I was having a conversation with Tildet Varon, this thought came to mind.

As she shared her own experience with this topic, in particular when she chose to revisit a certain pain point in order to move forward within her healing journey, I started thinking about my own experience.

I asked myself, “When was the last time I had to take a step backwards, yet still continued to progress forward?”

I immediately thought of the relationship with my birth Mom.

In particular, the days, when I chose to forgive her and accept her role for what it was. As I shared before in other articles, it was challenging for me to revisit the past.

There were many layers that I had to work through in order to see her like I do today.

I remember starting with acknowledging the situations as I saw them, then breaking down how the society wanted me to see her, followed by asking myself internally how I’d like to see her without the societal expectations.

I’m sure there were multiple other steps in between, but you get the point.

It was at this point, I realized that sometimes taking a step forward is taking a step backward.

Revisiting the pain in order to step into the healing.

As you think about your own journey, “When have you had to take a step backward in order to take a step forward?”

Do you find it challenging to show affection in public?

“Do you find it challenging to show affection in public?”

A question I was pondering this morning, as I thought about my own experience.

I remember times when I’d feel embarrassed holding my girlfriend’s hand or kissing her on the cheek in public.

I think much of this feeling or thought came from the sense of being judged.

“What will others think?” was a question that constantly ran through my head.

I’ll be honest, it took me quite some time before I became more comfortable holding her hand or kissing her in public.

Much of that journey started within.

I had to redefine what judgement looked like for me.

“Why do some of us judge when it comes to seeking others show affection in public? Is it because deep down inside we are seeking to do the same thing?”

But, that’s a topic for another conversation.

Back to the story ✍️

Instead of looking at it via the lens of, “What will others think of me?” I approached it via, “Someone else’s opinion of me doesn’t have to become my reality.”

This reminder, alone, helped me tremendously to become more comfortable living in my own skin.

In my opinion, I don’t think it’s fully possible to not seek approval from others or the desire to be liked by others across the board.

However, I do think it’s possible to pick and choose the areas of my life where I am not seeking it.

Showing affection in public has become one of those areas.

It doesn’t mean that the thought of, “What will others think of me?” has gone away completely.

It still creeps into my head from time to time.

The difference now is what do I choose to do next?

For me, I choose to remind myself, “Someone else’s opinion of me doesn’t have to become my reality.”

If you can relate to my experience, do you find it challenging to show affection in public? If so, why?

Do you like the sound of your own voice?

"Do you like the sound of your own voice?”

A topic that I’ve heard many times throughout my life.

I remember times when I’d be speaking with one of my friends and I’d ask her, “How did your presentation go?”

She’d respond with, “... I hate the sound of my voice.”

I asked, “Why?”

She said, “I don’t know. I just don’t like the way I sound.”

It is moments like these that get me curious, “Why does one not like the sound of their voice?”

Does hearing your own voice portray a different version of whom you envision yourself as?

As I thought about my own experience of hearing my self speak, I realized that I don’t choose to distinguish between whether or not I like the sound of my voice.

I’ve accepted my voice as something that I don’t have much control over. 

How I speak is how I speak.

I don’t give it the time or energy to analyze whether I like it or not.

However, I do believe that it is okay not to like something, even it is something that I can’t genuinely change.

All I’m saying is based on my experience, I feel indifferent when it comes to the sound of my own voice.

I don’t choose to like it or dislike it.

As you think about your own experience, “Do you like the sound of your voice? If so, why? If not, why not?”

What are the sacrifices you’re willing to make in order to keep your dream alive?

“What are the sacrifices you’re willing to make in order to keep your dream alive?” 

I remember having a conversation with my Dad one day, as I was beginning my entrepreneurial journey, when he pointed out the importance of making sacrifices in order to keep one’s dream alive.

I’ll be honest, I didn’t fully understand the principles behind his message as well as I do today. 

Back then, and maybe to a degree today, I was stubborn.

I wasn’t as open to other ways of thinking or doing things.

If I had a vision or a plan, I was going to follow it my way.

Coloring outside the lines was not in my Arsenal back then.

Today, learning to adjust, listening to other perspectives, and making sacrifices along the way is an essential component to my journey.

For me, making a sacrifice does not mean completely giving up one thing for another.

It is about finding alternative ways to achieve whatever needs to be done while continuing to build my dream. 

4 years ago, as I was starting Overcoming Odds, one of the first sacrifices I had to make was to find alternative ways to pay my bills.

It was wishful thinking on my end to think that in year 1, I’d be able to support myself financially.

I had to find alternative income streams to support my wishful thinking 😂 

I chose to help business owners with their marketing needs.

This was an area I knew very well.

I was confident in my abilities. 

I didn’t want to do it though. 

I felt that the time invested into helping other business owners with their marketing needs was not contributing toward my larger dream, building Overcoming Odds.

Well, looking back at it all today, it definitely was.

The time I spent helping others was also the time I used to learn about those individuals.

The work itself gave me an opportunity to demonstrate who I am not only as a worker, but as a person.

Am I dependable?

Am I committed?

Am I genuine in my approach to life?

All of these areas enhanced themselves even more through this work.

In addition, some of those people have become some of my closest supporters years later.

As you think about your own journey, I’m curious to hear your thoughts on, “What are the sacrifices you’re willing to make in order to keep your dream alive? What have you learned about yourself from making those sacrifices?”

How do you figure out acceptable boundaries around humor?

“How do you figure out acceptable boundaries around humor?”

The other day, I was texting a friend of mine,  and I made a joke that clearly crossed the line.

How do I know this?

I know this because of the response I received in return.

I sat there for what appeared to be the longest five minutes of my life, thinking, “How could I have offended her?”

For months prior to this conversation taking place, we had used similar jokes and BOTH laughed at them.

But this time around, something changed.

It was in that moment I realized that the boundary may shift depending on where the other person is at in their life.

I believe this to be true because I’ve experienced this myself.

There have been times when I found something funny, yet sometime later due to change in circumstances (loss of a pet, or some other unpredictable event) I no longer found it humorous.

With change being constant in life, I realized that nothing is permanent including how well I might have known someone.

This conversation with a friend of mine was a prime example.

When it comes to figuring out boundaries of what is and isn't acceptable humor, is there a fine line or is it constantly changing?

How do you know if it’s a hard line, one that’s not meant to be crossed again, or a line based on current circumstances, one that may be revisited again once circumstances change?

Why do you choose to correct others?

“Why do you choose to correct others?”

The other day, as I was walking outside, I couldn’t help, but think of this question and my own personal experience with it.

I immediately thought of the times when I would try to correct one of my closest friends often, when she swore or expressed frustration while driving.

“You’re a mother _______ ... Move over a 🕳...”

Only if there was a show for, “How many swear words one says in a minute?” I would know exactly who to nominate 😂

In an attempt to help her become aware of what she was saying and how it was impacting me, I’d say, “language.”

She’d respond with, “I’m sorry.”

The word “language” was an anchor for the need to reflect/change during our conversations.

This was an instance when I was trying to correct her because it was impacting my own language.

It also reminded me of how I used to be on the roads.

I used to use similar words and/or expressions to communicate with other drivers.

After a while, I didn’t want to be that person anymore.

I developed greater compassion for fellow drivers.

I realized that the “slow” driver may not be in a rush to go anywhere and is simply enjoying the drive time in the car.

I realized that those zooming by me in the fast lane may be experiencing an emergency situation such as the birth of a child.

The more I reflect upon every situation, the more I begin to realize that I am one of those drivers on any given day.

Now, there are also times when I don’t choose to correct others.

The other day, I was having a conversation with a friend of mine during which she said, “vent” instead of “flue” as we were talking about a fireplace.

I chose not to correct her because I understood what she was saying.

At what point do you choose to correct others? Why?

Are there times when you choose NOT to correct others? Why?