“You’re not responsible for the way others feel."
“You’re not responsible for the way others feel."
For years, I believed the opposite.
I felt that I was responsible for other people's feelings or their reaction to something I would share.
I held back from telling my truth sometimes in fear of disappointing or hurting the other person.
There were a few friendships I had that I felt I was being neglected. I spent time preserving them, investing in them, however my needs were not being met from the other side.
I remember when I realized this truth.
It was a hard reality to accept, but there are many instances in life like this.
It took me a few weeks until I considered what I would have thought to be the unthinkable.
I called the person and told them that I had been investing in our relationship and didn't feel it was mutual and that I would no longer be communicating with them.
I know the person was upset and didn't understand.
That was not my responsibility. I spoke my truth and the person on the other end decided how to handle it themselves. No fault of mine. I was just the messenger of my feelings.
A few day ago, as I was having a conversation with a friend of mine, Billy, I was reminded of the importance of communicating the honest truth and I challenge you to do the same.
If you feel you’re being neglected in a friendship, have a conversation. Let the other person know how you feel. Maybe you just communicate differently, maybe the other person does not know anything is even wrong, maybe the other person doesn't want to invest in you, maybe you will even hurt the person by communicating your truth.
Whatever the circumstance - the way the other person reacts to your conversation is on them. You are not responsible for the way they feel.
You’re only responsible for the way you feel.
What inspires you?
I asked, “What inspires you?”
I heard nothing, but silence.
Then, one after another people began to share their perspectives.
With each shared perspective, I noticed myself becoming more and more in-tune with what was being said.
I noticed myself quietly listening and completely understanding.
“Stillness inspires me ... connecting with others inspires me ... knowing that I’m not alone inspires me ...”
I couldn’t help, but smile with each shared perspective.
I felt a sense of joy.
I felt inspired by these people.
I felt inspired by our ability, as a collective, to breathe life into each other.
I felt inspired by our ability to create a space of curiosity and exploration.
I felt inspired by our ability to understand and appreciate each other along this journey called life.
Inspiration can be found in so many places.
I’m curious, “What inspires you?”
“You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”
“How could this be?” I thought to myself as I was re-watching a clip from an old classic, Winnie the Pooh.
I hit “Rewind” once ... twice ... three times.
I’ve seen the film hundreds of times and yet the following still seemed as if I was hearing it for the first time: “You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”
As I thought about the scene over and over again, it made me think of the following, “People only hear what they want to hear.”
This case was not any different.
Christopher’s message to Pooh stood out to me because that’s what I wanted or needed to hear.
I needed to hear this message in order to remind myself of the importance to continue creating spaces for people to be understood and appreciated.
I needed to hear this message to remind myself that despite the current adversity many of us are facing around the world, there is still a light at the end of the tunnel.
My hope is that by sharing this, it’ll remind you that you have unique gifts within you and you have what it takes to get through any challenge that’s in front of you.
Just remember, “You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”
"Don't Judge A Book By Its Cover"
A couple days ago, I picked up a book that my father gifted me with a few years ago, “Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It.”
As I read through the first chapter, I began to lose focus of the message being conveyed.
“Much of what he is saying I had already heard,” I thought to myself.
I began to question whether or not I should continue reading through the remaining chapters.
In that moment of questioning, I realized something that I hadn't before.
Prior to picking up the book and brushing the dust off the front cover, I made assumptions about what I needed to learn from it.
All based on the title and the brief summary I read online of what’s in the pages.
What this moment made me realize was the importance of not creating assumptions before picking up any book or interacting with a source of knowledge, rather allowing my mind to expand by asking myself the question of, “What can I learn today?”
I can only imagine the number of books I’ve passed up on from the first glance, thinking that I already knew the treasure hidden within the beautiful body of work.
In reality, what I’ve learned over time is that you really can't judge a book by it's cover!
I’m curious, “How do you change your mindset to pick up that book even if you don't like the title, the cover, or the first page?”
Oleg Lougheed is the host of the Overcoming Odds Podcast, where you get a glimpse into the stories of individuals who have overcome adversity, suffering, and struggle in achieving their personal success.
The Art of the Start
“I don’t have the right equipment.”
“There are thousands of others who are doing what I want to do.”
“Who am I to ask others questions? I’m not an expert.”
For years, these thoughts roamed through my head, preventing me from starting something I wanted to do.
A podcast where I could create a space for others to be seen, heard and valued.
Before you read any further, please acknowledge and internalize the following, “It doesn’t have to be perfect.”
Self-limiting belief #1: “I don’t have the right equipment.”
The first few episodes, I recorded using a MacBook Pro, Blue Yeti, and a picture from our first fundraising event, which I hung in the background of my closest to give it a more professional feel.
“Closet?”
“Yup, I recorded the episodes from my apartment closet.”
It was the only room I could control the sound quality.
I had to move all of my clothes to a side where they weren't being seen in the background and run the AC an hour before, otherwise it became unbearably hot (Texas heat).
On days when I forgot to turn on the AC in advance, I recorded the episode via audio only. I didn’t want the guest to see me sweating profusely.
Self-limiting belief #2: “Who am I to be hosting a podcast and asking questions to others? I’m not an expert.”
I believed these thoughts for a long time prior to starting the podcast.
I still wonder at times, how many projects I could have started and finished if I understood what I know now, “Who says that I have to be an ‘expert’ to start? "No one is an expert when they start."
I re-framed it in my mind, and gave myself permission to ask questions that I wanted to know the answers to.
Self-limiting belief #3: “There are thousands of others who are doing what I want to do.”
So, what?
“Why can’t I be the millionth?” I asked myself.
It may be true that there are thousands of others doing similar things.
However, no two conversations are the same, questions may be heard differently depending on who is asking, answers will be different depending on how the question is asked and who is asking it.
I’m curious to hear from you, “What do you want to start now that your thoughts may have held you back from previously?”
If you don’t know how to start something ask for help. Reach out to people who know more about whatever it is, be curious, research, surround yourself with others who have experience in doing the same thing and learn from them.
I’m here for you and happy to share what I know. Your network is here for you. We’re all here cheering you on!!!
Oleg Lougheed is the host of the Overcoming Odds Podcast, where you get a glimpse into the stories of individuals who have overcome adversity, suffering, and struggle in achieving their personal success.
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