I believe as we share our stories, we give others permission to share theirs. Our stories connect us and allow us to share in our humanity as we can see part of ourselves reflected on others experiences and feelings. Stories allow us to not feel alone or think we are the only one.
I’ve had to face early childhood trauma and dysfunctional family dynamics, and those early experiences shape so much of how we see the world, and, most importantly, ourselves. I’m still working on overcoming them. My first reaction to them was to run away, to shield myself so that as to not be hurt or influenced by them. I was going to prove to the world that I was stronger than that and that I was not going to be defined by my past. At the time, I thought this was healthy thoughts and behavior. I thought, if I didn’t let them influence who I was, then they didn't win. I didn't understand then that influence was something I can't control. What I could do was be aware and decide what reactions and thoughts serve me and which ones I should leave behind.
My grandmother was the force that helped me be okay. She provided refuge for me and never made me feel like the victim. She did not instigate that mentality in me. Instead, she saw me as capable and worthy, and she treated me like that.
The biggest thing I have learned throughout everything is patience and resilience. Things don’t always go how you want them at the speed you want them. The value is in the process, not just on the outcome. That has been a big lesson I work on reminding myself: don’t cheat the process and what it could be to get the outcome.
