At the same time, things that I had been told all my life by family members (such as [If I would have stayed in Guatemala,] “you wouldn’t be able to read or write, you wouldn’t have gone to school, your life would be caring for children and cooking and cleaning”) were disproven, and I learned that, although this is the case for some children, it’s not always true. Some Guatemalans may live in poverty, but they are rich in character and spirit.
Toward the end of last year, I started the search for my birth mother, and she was able to be located. When I received the news that they had found her, I was excited and numb and in a daze, but a few weeks later, I started to feel strong and powerful emotions characteristic of grief and mourning. I had no idea that I could love and care about someone so much who I had no conscious memories of.
In January, I ended up reconnecting via social media with many members of my birth family, including my birth mother, and this enabled me to start communicating directly with everyone. Although I am glad to know my family members, I feel very much like an outsider, and have struggled with my identity. I have lost my heritage and customs that my birth family still maintains. I am learning Spanish, but I am only semi-fluent, and this language barrier has led to miscommunications and makes speaking to my birth mother hard and awkward at times.
Overall, I believe that reconnecting with my birth mother and family has had a profound impact on me. It has tested existing relationships; it has created drama and tension; and it has created a rollercoaster of emotions. It has unearthed heartbreaking details, such as the fact that my birth mother tried to get me back, that she prayed to God for forgiveness, and that He would return her daughter one day. However, I have also tried to educate myself on adoptions, and I have done research so that I can try to understand the three points of views that make up the adoption triad. While I am not opposed to adoptions, I think that open adoptions are very important, and I think it is important for adoptees to know that their feelings are normal and should be acknowledged.
I hope to meet my birth mother soon, but that is not the end of my adoption journey. For now, I call her once a week so that we can chat and so that she can help me practice my Spanish. Our phone calls allow us to get to know each other, and I am extremely grateful for them. She addresses me as “mi hija/mija/mijita”, which means “my daughter” in Spanish, and while it may seem like a no-brainer for her to call me this, it is very meaningful to me.
My story is personal, exciting, painful, and new. While it is extraordinary and unique to me, many other adoptees also have a story, just as everyone in this world - regardless of where they come from. No two stories are the same.