In China, I was destined to grow up in a poor, rural city, marry a farmer, and spend the rest of my life raising a family. My life in the United States has afforded me a comfortable, middle-class lifestyle where I was able to attend a great public school and get a college education from a world-class university. I now live on my own and am so happy to be able to visit my adoptive family as often as I’d like.
But, the problem with being adopted so young is that you don’t have the autonomy yet, or the ability to understand abstract concepts such as “adoption” or “emotions”. You can’t speak for yourself. And though I don’t have any concrete memories from my days in foster care, my initial feelings about life, feeling abandoned, lonely, and fearful have stayed with me for a long time. Questions such as, “Why did my mother abandon me?”, and, “Am I unlovable forever?” have been something I’ve had to learn to emote and speak about as a “regular person” (i.e. non-adoptee). It’s been a long learning and growing process because these feeling have been at the center of my unconsciousness for most of my life.
I’m proud to report; however, that despite my trauma, I’ve built a strong, healthy relationship with another human being. My adoption instilled a sense of self-worthlessness and distrust of others. Finding someone I could open up to and completely trust, while feeling confident about myself, has been an amazing experience. We’re even taking the next step and moving in together! It’s a huge milestone for me.
I do want to go back and find my birthparents one day. I wish I had something from my past—a note from them, a piece of quilt my mother made, just something that I could find them with. But, the odds of locating them in rural China are extremely thin: records aren’t well kept, and most parents abandoned their kids instead of surrendering them to an orphanage due to the political climate.
I will return one day, once my financials are in order. I see myself in contact with them, but I don’t get my hopes up too high.
I plan on moving forward, with my relationship, with my blog, with MY life. My blog’s purpose is to share my story. Yes, I’m adopted, and I hope my story will change the way non-adoptees respond to someone telling them they’re adopted: “Oh, I’m sorry”.
Don’t be sorry. Ask me about it.
Each adoptee has a different story, so don’t lump us together.
Let me tell you the great opportunities I’ve been given, let me speak before putting your assumptions on me. Because I’ve got an awesome story, and it’s better than you, or I, could imagine!