“Have you ever built your model of life on permanency of a relationship?”

I have.

High school was the first time such thought became evident for me.

I remember moments of being surrounded by couples and thinking, “I’ll be happy once I am with someone.”

For years I searched, yet couldn’t seem to find her.

I felt lost.

I felt out of place.

“Everyone seemed so happy, when will I be?”

Luckily, I was able to find other activities with friends that occupied my mind.

But, even then, the thought of if I’ll ever find THE one remained in the back of my head.

In college, I found myself in a “permanent” relationship.

We dreamed of a place we could call home.

We joked (or maybe we were serious) about starting a family.

Then, years later, that relationship ended.

I asked myself, “How could this happen? How will I move forward?”

There were moments when we seemed indestructible.

Yet, the reality proved otherwise.

I’ve learned many things through this romantic relationship, as well as all of the other relationships that proceeded.

I’ve learned that nothing in life is permanent, everything is temporary.

I believe such applies to a relationship with everything.

Money.

Job.

Friends.

All of these relationships can and have evolved over time.

Happiness and fulfillment as cliché as it may sound, are an inside job.

Only I could be my everything.

I’ve carried this mindset with me ever since.

Now, the groups I am surrounded with are different.

They have a different type of influence.

It is no longer “boyfriend and girlfriend” it is “husband and wife.”

The expectations have shifted.

Buying a house, starting a family, adopting a dog, are the topics of conversation.

I acknowledge this reality for what it is, but I no longer allow it to force me into thinking that it is what I need in order to be happy, fulfilled.