How do you challenge your own shortcomings?

“Are you safe?”

Ever since I landed in Ghana, this has been one of the most frequently asked questions from friends in the US.

Every time this question is asked, I can’t help but wonder, “What about Africa does the other person not find safe?”

Is it that I may be the only Caucasian within many, many miles?

Is it the fear of catching an unknown disease?

Is it because the poverty is much higher than a lot of other countries?

But even if the poverty level is higher, does that necessarily mean it’s unsafe?

Or is it something completely different?

This question was asked when I went to other European countries.

But, not in the same order.

It was asked well into the conversation.

Sometimes, not asked at all.

Once I got to Africa, this question has been asked at the beginning of most conversations.

I asked myself the same question, “What about Africa did I perceive as unsafe prior to arriving in Ghana?” and I discovered something.

I realized the perception I carried with me about people of color for many years.

Ever since I was a kid, I remember watching movies where those of color would be perceived as criminals and drug dealers.

This impacted my view greatly.

During my teenage years, there were times when I would cross the street once I saw a person of color sharing the same sidewalk.

There have been times when I’ve been scared to walk down dark alleyways, yet I wasn’t scared to do so if it was another white person there.

I am not here to blame anyone or anything.

I am simply acknowledging my shortcomings.

I have had to rewrite many of the stories I have written about people of color.

Even where I am today, I know I still have much work to do.

What is your perception of different races? What are the narratives you’ve created about those who are different from you?

How are you making others feel valued and seen?

“Good morning, Boss!”

The other day, a friend of mine had said these words as he was talking to the Uber driver.

It wasn’t the first time I heard these words after my arrival to Ghana.

However, it was the first time these words peaked my interest.

I asked, “Why do people call others ‘boss’, especially when the person is not their boss?”

He responded, “It is meant to make others feel important or valued …”

Regardless of the role, whether it was the person checking our entry tickets at the Asenema Waterfalls, countless of Uber drivers or someone who is making your food, people call others “Boss, King, Director … the list goes on.”

All titles having one common denominator: to make others feel valued and seen.

How are you making others feel valued and seen?

The Art of the Start

“I don’t have the right equipment.” 

“There are thousands of others who are doing what I want to do.”

“Who am I to ask others questions? I’m not an expert.”

For years, these thoughts roamed through my head, preventing me from starting something I wanted to do.

A podcast where I could create a space for others to be seen, heard and valued. 

Before you read any further, please acknowledge and internalize the following, “It doesn’t have to be perfect.”

Self-limiting belief #1: “I don’t have the right equipment.”

The first few episodes, I recorded using a MacBook Pro, Blue Yeti, and a picture from our first fundraising event, which I hung in the background of my closest to give it a more professional feel.

“Closet?”

“Yup, I recorded the episodes from my apartment closet.”

It was the only room I could control the sound quality.

I had to move all of my clothes to a side where they weren't being seen in the background and run the AC an hour before, otherwise it became unbearably hot (Texas heat). 

On days when I forgot to turn on the AC in advance, I recorded the episode via audio only. I didn’t want the guest to see me sweating profusely.

Self-limiting belief #2: “Who am I to be hosting a podcast and asking questions to others? I’m not an expert.”

I believed these thoughts for a long time prior to starting the podcast.

I still wonder at times, how many projects I could have started and finished if I understood what I know now, “Who says that I have to be an ‘expert’ to start? "No one is an expert when they start."

I re-framed it in my mind, and gave myself permission to ask questions that I wanted to know the answers to.

Self-limiting belief #3: “There are thousands of others who are doing what I want to do.”

So, what?

“Why can’t I be the millionth?” I asked myself.

It may be true that there are thousands of others doing similar things.

However, no two conversations are the same, questions may be heard differently depending on who is asking, answers will be different depending on how the question is asked and who is asking it.

I’m curious to hear from you, “What do you want to start now that your thoughts may have held you back from previously?”

If you don’t know how to start something ask for help. Reach out to people who know more about whatever it is, be curious, research, surround yourself with others who have experience in doing the same thing and learn from them.

I’m here for you and happy to share what I know. Your network is here for you. We’re all here cheering you on!!!

Oleg Lougheed is the host of the Overcoming Odds Podcast, where you get a glimpse into the stories of individuals who have overcome adversity, suffering, and struggle in achieving their personal success.

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How do you choose to see yourself?

“How do I choose to see myself?” I thought as I was getting ready to embark on the next chapter of my life, college.

Was I going to continue to see myself as my classmates and teachers saw me? 

It was difficult to leave the place I was raised in since I was 12 years old; the smell of my mom’s freshly-made, perfectly-cooked blueberry pancakes; the cloudy afternoons when I helped my Dad shovel the snow off the driveway; the hours I played with our dogs, Derby and Rocky, rolling around on the floor of the family room, becoming a vacuum as I picked up all of the dirt around me.

As difficult as it was to leave, I knew that I had to go.

I’ll always remember that car ride, sitting in the middle section of my mom’s minivan, tears streaming down my face, envisioning what this next chapter of my life could be, an opportunity to redefine how I chose to see myself.

In the prior years, middle school and high school, I was viewed as a “trouble maker” and sometimes a “bully”. 

I would talk back to teachers, I made fun of classmates, I was disruptive. This was the expectation of my peers and so I became what they expected me to be. 

I spent more time in the principal’s office than anyone ever wanted to.

For the longest time, I wanted to forget all of those experiences. 

I wanted to forget about all of the pain I may have caused others. 

But, instead, I chose not to forget the pain I may have caused. I chose to look at those experiences head-on and all the lessons that I could learn from them. 

One of the greatest lessons I learned was that I do not have to be what people perceive me to be. I can choose who I want to be. 

Going to college helped me break that cycle, it instilled enough excitement and hope within me that my life could be different.

I didn’t know HOW, I just believed that it was POSSIBLE.

I look back at that time in my life to remind myself that all is POSSIBLE. It is POSSIBLE to view myself in a different light despite the circumstances I was born into; it is POSSIBLE to leave my tribe behind and join a new tribe; it is POSSIBLE to dig deep enough to rid myself of negative behavior. It is POSSIBLE to learn from past experiences; it is POSSIBLE to love myself wholeheartedly.

It is POSSIBLE!

If you enjoyed this, please share your thoughts by commenting below or joining us on one of our weekly, “Courageous Conversations” virtual meetup gatherings.

Out of Your Greatest Pain Can Come Your Greatest Gift

“Out of your greatest pain can come your greatest gift.”

I realized this while sitting on my bed, with the bedroom light dimmed, talking on the phone to a close friend, reflecting back on my past.

She said to me, “I know you had a very challenging childhood…that you were an orphan … that you lived in poverty … that you had no parental figures … but, what was your greatest pain?”

“I …”

A moment of silence followed, as I didn’t know how to respond.

I’ve never been asked this question before.

I started to think about all of the painful moments in my life.

The times I tried as a young boy to bring my birth family back together, all under one roof. The time I searched the streets of Chebarkul, looking for my birth Mom, wanting to just hug her and not let go…the time I was starving and had to find a way to eat…so many painful times.

The thoughts ran through and through my mind, racing, one after another.

Then, a specific memory came to mind.

I continued sharing with my friend the time I spent in a three-bedroom apartment in Newark, DE, alone, in a room, sitting on the floor, with tears streaming down my face. I recall repeatedly asking myself, “Why me? Why was I meant to go through all of this? Why should I have to endure all of this? Why did I have to lose such an important person to me… my birth Mom?”

As I began to think about it more and more, I could feel a heavy weight being lifted.

Not a day goes by without me thinking about my birth Mom.

I wish I could see her; hug her; kiss her … just one more time.

Even now, tears fall from my eyes onto the computer keys, as I think about her.

But, I also understand that I have a choice in how I view my past.

I understand that each of the experiences I’ve had on this planet can be gifts if I choose to look at them through a different lens.

In fact, this is exactly how I have been able to find my greatest gift, realizing that my past experiences have given me the gift to reach people in a special way, helping them to see their past as a gift too. I have created a community where people can share their stories, feel connected and understand that they belong. In this community people realize that their story matters.

What is your greatest pain? Have you been able to change the lens through which you see it?

You too can turn your pain into your special gift!

If you enjoyed this, please share your thoughts by commenting below.

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Oleg Lougheed is the host of the Overcoming Odds Podcast, where you get a glimpse into the stories of individuals who have overcome adversity, suffering, and struggle in achieving their personal success.

Why do you choose to serve others?

I once asked myself, “Why do I choose to serve others?”

I choose to serve others because I want to make a positive difference in the lives of others.

I choose to serve others because seeing others overcome obstacles, gives me hope that I can do the same.

I choose to serve others because it gives me a new perspective of human beings, that we are all walking mirrors or reflections of each other.

A plethora of examples ran through my head as I thought about this new perspective.

A few years ago,  I walked through the Detroit Airport, to gate D18, when I heard a man shout, “... fucking fix it then.”

Even though I didn’t know the context of the conversation, I still saw myself in him, as I’ve used such a tone with others before, although not in the same sequence.

Another time I saw a homeless man, on the corner of the road in Austin, TX, with a sign, “Smile for a mile”. Even though, no words were exchanged, I still saw myself in him, during times when I faced severe adversity in my life.

Both of these instances made me realize that I didn’t have to be in the same exact time or place in order to relate.

I always see a reflection of myself in others, as long as I actively choose to relate to places where I’ve experienced similar feelings and thoughts.

Why do you choose to serve others?

If you enjoyed this, please share your thoughts by commenting below.

Have you ever felt like you had no choice, but to compromise your values?

I have, many times.

In fact, there is one in particular; I remember it as if it had happened yesterday.

There were five of us when it happened.

“Ding,” the sound of the entry bell, as we entered the convenient store.

On most days, such sounds didn’t bother me, but this time it was different.

“You guys go up front and we’ll wait here,” one of the kids whispered.

As he and I made our way toward the front of the store, my hands began shaking.

I have never done this before.

I followed him, as he made his way to the front of the store.

“Do you have any more Twizzlers?” he asked the store employee.

“Let me check in the back,” she responded.

As she made her way to the back of the store, I noticed his left hand reach for the stack of candy bars in front of us.

“Here, take them,” he whispered.

My hands were shaking, as I grabbed the candy bars out of his hands and shoved them straight into my pocket.

Rinse and repeat, one week after another, we would steal from the same store.

Until, one day, one of us was caught by our parents.

The next thing we knew, my friend and I were being questioned by his parents whether or not we stole from the convenient store.

“No, we didn’t steal,” both of us, repeated over and over again.

It wasn’t until years later that I noticed the consequences of compromising my value of, “honesty”.

What started, as a harmless act, to us at least, turned into a habit of not telling the truth for years to follow.

I found myself lying, in situations where I didn't have to do so.

“What is the harm of not telling the truth, if YOU know that it is not the truth?” I thought at the time.

But, it wasn’t until years later that I found an answer to my own question.

The act of “lying” was becoming my “truth”.

It was easier to tell a “lie” because that is what I felt more comfortable with.

A friend of mine during our podcast interview once said, “Your environment always wins.”

Well, this time my environment was certainty winning, as not only was I not always telling the truth, but also my closest friends were not telling the truth.

My actions were influencing them, and their actions were influencing me.

But, “honesty” wasn’t the only value I compromised.

The more I began to look at the relationships at hand; the more I noticed all of the other compromises I was making.

One of those was, “authenticity.”

I was choosing to wear a mask to avoid judgment. I continued to wear that mask to be accepted within my tribe.

As part of this cycle, I was also compromising, “learning.”

“How can you develop a meaningful and deep relationship with another person, if you are not able to fully be there?”

I felt as if I was cheating some of the people by not fully showing up.

I thought, “How could I expect them to be fully honest and transparent, if I wasn’t doing the same?”

Years went by before I was able to change those early habits.

It was during those years; I learned that I always have a choice and there is no choice in life too small to have an impact.

Today, I choose to stay true to my values, as they influence my thoughts, my actions, my beliefs, and the direction my life takes.

I can’t help but wonder, “Are you presently living in accordance with your values?”