How do you choose to see yourself?

“How do I choose to see myself?” I thought as I was getting ready to embark on the next chapter of my life, college.

Was I going to continue to see myself as my classmates and teachers saw me? 

It was difficult to leave the place I was raised in since I was 12 years old; the smell of my mom’s freshly-made, perfectly-cooked blueberry pancakes; the cloudy afternoons when I helped my Dad shovel the snow off the driveway; the hours I played with our dogs, Derby and Rocky, rolling around on the floor of the family room, becoming a vacuum as I picked up all of the dirt around me.

As difficult as it was to leave, I knew that I had to go.

I’ll always remember that car ride, sitting in the middle section of my mom’s minivan, tears streaming down my face, envisioning what this next chapter of my life could be, an opportunity to redefine how I chose to see myself.

In the prior years, middle school and high school, I was viewed as a “trouble maker” and sometimes a “bully”. 

I would talk back to teachers, I made fun of classmates, I was disruptive. This was the expectation of my peers and so I became what they expected me to be. 

I spent more time in the principal’s office than anyone ever wanted to.

For the longest time, I wanted to forget all of those experiences. 

I wanted to forget about all of the pain I may have caused others. 

But, instead, I chose not to forget the pain I may have caused. I chose to look at those experiences head-on and all the lessons that I could learn from them. 

One of the greatest lessons I learned was that I do not have to be what people perceive me to be. I can choose who I want to be. 

Going to college helped me break that cycle, it instilled enough excitement and hope within me that my life could be different.

I didn’t know HOW, I just believed that it was POSSIBLE.

I look back at that time in my life to remind myself that all is POSSIBLE. It is POSSIBLE to view myself in a different light despite the circumstances I was born into; it is POSSIBLE to leave my tribe behind and join a new tribe; it is POSSIBLE to dig deep enough to rid myself of negative behavior. It is POSSIBLE to learn from past experiences; it is POSSIBLE to love myself wholeheartedly.

It is POSSIBLE!

If you enjoyed this, please share your thoughts by commenting below or joining us on one of our weekly, “Courageous Conversations” virtual meetup gatherings.

Perception is everything ...

“Every little bit helps.” a sign a man was holding in the middle of the street.

As I passed him, I thought to myself, “How many people actually stop and talk to him?”

Sure, he may not be “properly” dressed, as his jeans had holes and he appeared to be in need of a warm shower. 

I thought, “Regardless of his appearance, he’s still a human being.”

Instead of going to my initial destination prior to my interview with NBC, I chose to stop by the closest restaurant to buy (2) sandwiches.

As I walked out of the restaurant, I saw that the homeless man was no longer standing in the same place.

He was making his way up the street.

“Sir, sir,” I screamed across the street.

As I caught up to him, I asked, “Would you like to share a meal with me?”

“Yes,” he responded.

We sat together, on the curb, cars passing on both sides of us, sharing memories from our past and a laugh or two.

I realized something in that short time we spent together on the curb.

Perception is everything.

I chose to look at him as another human in need, wanting to be seen, to be heard and to be supported.

I did not see him as someone who appeared homeless, wearing torn jeans or in need of a shower.

I chose to SEE him. I created a space where he could experience being seen, heard and supported. I believe most of us want this in life.

I asked him, “How many people stop and talk to you?”

His response, “none.”

Tears fell from my eyes, as in that word “none” I knew that people’s perceptions had won their view.

I’m sharing this act of kindness, not for recognition but rather to challenge yourself to CHOOSE not to judge. Like the saying goes, “Never judge a book by its cover.”

This human being has a story, just like we all do, and giving him the opportunity to share his story was exactly what he needed.

Let’s support one another and remember there is no good in judgment.

Love you all ♥️

Can I Change the World?

I was recently asked, “Do you believe you can change the world?”

I immediately thought of the most recent video I watched minutes prior to being asked the question featuring Steve Jobs where he said, “Here’s to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes… the ones who see things differently — they’re not fond of rules… You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can’t do is ignore them because they change things… they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.”

Each and every one of us has the ability to change the world. It is our perception of what that means that may have you believing anything different.

As I reflected back on Steve Jobs’ message, I thought of the time when I didn’t think I could change the world.

I didn't think I had what it takes to influence the 7.7 billion lives worldwide.

Thinking about the number alone was overwhelming.

But, when I changed my perception of what changing the world meant, I realized that I don’t have to influence all 7.7 billion lives in order to know I have made a difference. 

The “world” doesn't have to be the entire universe; it could simply be the world that I am living in … the neighbors that surround me … friends and family … the strangers I pass by in the grocery store …the community I belong to…

I could impact each and every one in “my world”, in both small and profound ways.

It cost me nothing to smile at a stranger and brighten their day.

It cost me nothing to pick-up the newspaper from the neighbor’s driveway and deliver it straight to their front door.

It cost me nothing to be there to share my story knowing it will inspire others.

I get to be the change I want to see in the world.

I’m curious to know, “do you believe you can change the world?”

If you enjoyed this, please share your thoughts by commenting below.

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Oleg Lougheed is the host of the Overcoming Odds Podcast, where you get a glimpse into the stories of individuals who have overcome adversity, suffering, and struggle in achieving their personal success.

Out of Your Greatest Pain Can Come Your Greatest Gift

“Out of your greatest pain can come your greatest gift.”

I realized this while sitting on my bed, with the bedroom light dimmed, talking on the phone to a close friend, reflecting back on my past.

She said to me, “I know you had a very challenging childhood…that you were an orphan … that you lived in poverty … that you had no parental figures … but, what was your greatest pain?”

“I …”

A moment of silence followed, as I didn’t know how to respond.

I’ve never been asked this question before.

I started to think about all of the painful moments in my life.

The times I tried as a young boy to bring my birth family back together, all under one roof. The time I searched the streets of Chebarkul, looking for my birth Mom, wanting to just hug her and not let go…the time I was starving and had to find a way to eat…so many painful times.

The thoughts ran through and through my mind, racing, one after another.

Then, a specific memory came to mind.

I continued sharing with my friend the time I spent in a three-bedroom apartment in Newark, DE, alone, in a room, sitting on the floor, with tears streaming down my face. I recall repeatedly asking myself, “Why me? Why was I meant to go through all of this? Why should I have to endure all of this? Why did I have to lose such an important person to me… my birth Mom?”

As I began to think about it more and more, I could feel a heavy weight being lifted.

Not a day goes by without me thinking about my birth Mom.

I wish I could see her; hug her; kiss her … just one more time.

Even now, tears fall from my eyes onto the computer keys, as I think about her.

But, I also understand that I have a choice in how I view my past.

I understand that each of the experiences I’ve had on this planet can be gifts if I choose to look at them through a different lens.

In fact, this is exactly how I have been able to find my greatest gift, realizing that my past experiences have given me the gift to reach people in a special way, helping them to see their past as a gift too. I have created a community where people can share their stories, feel connected and understand that they belong. In this community people realize that their story matters.

What is your greatest pain? Have you been able to change the lens through which you see it?

You too can turn your pain into your special gift!

If you enjoyed this, please share your thoughts by commenting below.

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Oleg Lougheed is the host of the Overcoming Odds Podcast, where you get a glimpse into the stories of individuals who have overcome adversity, suffering, and struggle in achieving their personal success.

It's right in front of you.

I sat on one side of the room, as my friend sat on the other.

What started off as a casual conversation slowly turned into both of us uncovering elements of her past, unshared memories, moments of mental and physical abuse.

I proceeded to do what I do best, ask questions.

But, not just any questions, questions that I genuinely wanted answered.

There was no agenda; I simply wanted to learn more about her as a human being.

I wanted to create a space where she felt a sense of belonging and connection. 

As a friend of mine once said, “You don’t always need to know the how, you just need to know where to start.”

This case was not any different, as I didn't need to know how we could potentially impact each other; we just had to start the conversation. 

It didn't take long before I could sense the energy within the room shift.

The air around us felt lighter.

I felt more relaxed, and free to communicate easily.

Tears began to stream down her face, as she continued to share about her past, especially the time spent with her father.

I asked, “What hurts you the most?”

As she continued to share her story, I began to see her words transform her pain.

The whole week prior to this moment taking place, I was planning our event, “Turn Your Pain Into A Powerful Message,” searching for the “perfect” venue for this event. And it was a challenge.

Yet, what this moment made me realize was that the “perfect” venue was right in front of me, a safe space between two people who felt comfortable and vulnerable enough to explore some of their deepest realities without being judged.

In that moment I could see clearly that these kinds of experiences are full of beauty.

It helped me understand the importance of slowing down, not chasing that unreasonable target I set for myself and to stop thinking that I am only “three feet away from gold.”

Because the truth is I have found the gold.

It is always right in front of me, including in this moment where the two of us were able to connect on a deep level of understanding and compassion.

The venue is what you make of it.

Pain to Power

I was recently asked by Brian Wright, host of Success Profiles Radio, “How have you been able to turn your pain into power?”

A long pause followed, as I sat there in silence, reflecting back on some of the painful experiences I have had in my life.

It was difficult to answer such question with a single response, as I believe it has been a combination of multiple things that have contributed to helping me make this transition.

One memory after another, or rather one traumatic experience after another came to mind.

It was as if I was watching a movie, on repeat, without any commercials or interruptions. Can you imagine that? In 2019? Probably not.

I thought of the time when my birth mom lost half of her ear during a scuffle that broke out at her boyfriend’s apartment … her body sliding down the hallway wall, with her face covered in blood, tears streaming down her face.

I thought of the time when I witnessed my sister trying to take our mom’s life with an axe. Fortunately, my bedroom door was there to stop what would have been an unimaginable image to live with for the rest of my life.

The list went on and on …

As I looked at each memory, what I realized was that part of my ability to “turn my pain into power” came from accepting and reframing the traumatic events.

At first, I had to accept the reality of each one before I could choose to look at them in a different light.

Sharing my story with others helped me do this.

People asked me questions I had never thought of before, giving me a chance to look at each and every one of the traumatic experiences from multiple angles, helping me develop multiple perspectives.

The more perspectives I had of each experience, the more comfortable I felt with accepting each one of them for what they were.

Once I was able to accept the different experiences, then I was able to reframe them the way I wanted to see each one. 

Nicole Ash, Brian Kelly, Kahila Hedayatzadeh, just to name a few, have been tremendous resources in helping me understand that I have a choice in how I look back at some of those traumatic experiences.

In addition, I know now that I can choose the language around these experiences when I reflect on them.

For me, this process didn’t happen overnight.

It took months of consistent practice, and being aware of how I talk about my past traumatic experiences.

I firmly believe that we have a choice in how we view all of the experiences in our lives.

We have a choice in whether or not we allow our past events to define who we are today.

If you enjoyed this, please share your thoughts by commenting below.

Who are you?

Have you ever been asked, “Who are you?” 

I have, many times.

I remember one time in particular, as I was being interviewed on a podcast, the host said, “Who are you?”

Instantly I wanted to give a single answer to such question, but then I realized that I was so much more than that.

As I sat there, in silence, with my hands interlocked, pondering on how to answer the question, I began to think…

I am authentic.

I am resourceful.

I am kind.

I continued to rattle off the tip of my tongue what appeared to be a never-ending list of values, beliefs and experiences that identified who I was. 

Answering the question made me realize that I am complex. Although I may choose to identify myself as only one thing, I truly am so many things all wrapped into one person.

I am the byproduct of multiple identities and will continue to grow in that way.

It made me realize that my identity is an ongoing process, not meant to be answered with a single label. How could I be just one single thing at any point in my life? I am so much more than that.

When asked, “Who are you?” how do you answer such question?

If you enjoyed this, please share your thoughts by commenting below.

Why do you choose to serve others?

I once asked myself, “Why do I choose to serve others?”

I choose to serve others because I want to make a positive difference in the lives of others.

I choose to serve others because seeing others overcome obstacles, gives me hope that I can do the same.

I choose to serve others because it gives me a new perspective of human beings, that we are all walking mirrors or reflections of each other.

A plethora of examples ran through my head as I thought about this new perspective.

A few years ago,  I walked through the Detroit Airport, to gate D18, when I heard a man shout, “... fucking fix it then.”

Even though I didn’t know the context of the conversation, I still saw myself in him, as I’ve used such a tone with others before, although not in the same sequence.

Another time I saw a homeless man, on the corner of the road in Austin, TX, with a sign, “Smile for a mile”. Even though, no words were exchanged, I still saw myself in him, during times when I faced severe adversity in my life.

Both of these instances made me realize that I didn’t have to be in the same exact time or place in order to relate.

I always see a reflection of myself in others, as long as I actively choose to relate to places where I’ve experienced similar feelings and thoughts.

Why do you choose to serve others?

If you enjoyed this, please share your thoughts by commenting below.