Are You Born Grateful?
“Are you born #grateful?”
A question I got curious about while having a conversation with a friend of mine, Nicole Ash.
Not being able to fully recall the exact thoughts I was having the moment I came out of my mom’s uterus 😂, I found myself challenged by this question.
AND down the 🕳 🐇 I went.
Where does gratitude come from? What makes me grateful? What does gratitude feel like?
These were just a handful of questions I began to ask myself. I wanted to find an answer.
As I continued to reflect upon my own experience, I began to realize that much of my ability to be grateful was learned.
I learned to be grateful for the things I took for granted, such as my ability to hear, see, smell, touch, etc.
I learned to be grateful for certain relationships that were “given” such as family. I learned how to become more appreciative of the roles my family played and the type of impact they’ve had on my life.
I learned to be more grateful for being alive because no part of one's #journey is guaranteed. It could all end at any moment.
As you think about your own journey of gratitude, what does it make you think of?
Do you think one is born grateful?
Does it develop over time?
How Do You Hold Yourself Accountable?
"How do you hold yourself accountable?”
A question I pondered as I was reading, “Can’t Hurt Me” by David Goggins.
I asked myself, “Why is it so challenging to hold myself accountable sometimes?”
As I sat there, at my kitchen table, thinking about how I view accountability and what that means to me, I began to realize something.
One of the reasons why I have had a difficult time holding myself accountable is because I have taken the “path of least resistance.”
In other words, when things got “hard”, I chose to take the less challenging path toward the false feeling of accomplishment.
I would get up and start walking around the room, convincing myself that my time was being well spent.
Or I’d head straight toward the pantry to get one of my favorite snacks even though I just had a big meal, enough to keep me full for the rest of the week LOL.
At the end of the day, the task I was aspiring to complete was NOT complete, but yet I was able to convince myself that I made progress toward completion.
In the book, “Can’t Hurt Me” there’s a chapter where David talks about having an “accountability mirror.”
A physical mirror that he looks at every single day, covered with sticky notes of what he aspires for, his deepest insecurities, in order to keep himself accountable for that day.
I don’t have a mirror, rather I try to observe and eliminate distractions such as checking notifications from every single social media platform.
I don’t get it right every time, but I try.
I’m not perfect.
I am human.
As someone once said, “I am a masterpiece and a work in progress at the same time.”
As an example of a distraction in my life...there came a time when I realized how dependent I had become on my phone, and I needed to change this.
I still check my phone at random times, outside of the scheduled time blocks I have for engagement.
But, the time I spend now is significantly less than what it used to be.
I believe that every conscious choice I make to check my phone when the thought comes to me, and I DON'T check it, I am rewiring my brain.
Not every thought I experience do I need to act upon. This has not been easy for me, but I am learning.
For me the first step in developing greater accountability is understanding how the things surrounding me are serving me.
Does checking social media every 5 minutes get me any closer toward my goal?
Does having a snack every 15 or so minutes get me any closer toward my goal?
How are the things in your life (habits, behaviors, activities, relationships, etc) serving you and helping you be more accountable in life?
"Look at Each Other as Human Beings Full of Unlimited Potential"
She said, “I’d like to offer my course for FREE.”
Before she was able to say another word, I asked, “Why for FREE? Why not charge a fee?”
She then said, "she wanted to make it accessible to all who have experienced similar traumatic experiences."
It was at that moment, I realized something about myself.
I used to think the same exact way.
I used to feel bad about myself for charging others who have been through similar traumatic experiences.
Part of the reason why I felt bad was because I was assuming they couldn’t afford it.
Over time though, I realized that not everyone who has experienced trauma in their lives is unable to afford things in life. This was just a bias I had based on my own experiences.
How can one truly escape the invisible prison walls if he or she is being treated as “less than”?
I’m not going to pretend as if I have all of the answers, rather I would like to share with you what I started doing when I first recognized this myself.
I had to develop confidence internally that I was worth what I was asking others to pay. I had to look in the mirror and ask myself, “How much would I pay for your service?”
I had to challenge the concept, “What makes you an expert?” by reminding myself that, “I am an expert of my own life.”
I had to start viewing everyone equally regardless of one’s circumstances.
“If you tell a story long enough, it becomes your truth.”
Today, I invite you to challenge your narrative if you can relate to my experience.
Challenge all of the assumptions and expectations you have about people who have experienced traumatic experiences.
Not everyone who has experienced trauma in their lives is unable to afford things. A matter of fact, this is just a bias some attach to this population.
I invite all of us to look at each other as human beings full of unlimited potential, rather than byproducts of our circumstances.
One Step At A Time
“Building a 1,000 piece puzzle starts with finding ONE piece”
It took me years to understand and implement this.
I used to try to figure it out, all at once.
In fact, this has been one of my biggest challenges I had to overcome.
Being a deep thinker has its perks, but over analyzing and overthinking things to the point where I talk myself out of action is not one of them.
I remember the first time I had a thought about becoming a public speaker.
I wanted to have it all from the start.
I’d look at all of the speakers whom I’ve respected and try to figure out how to do all of the things they were doing.
Have professionally shot videos, daily blog posts, testimonials, speaker reel, etc.
What I realized, was that I was setting myself up for nearly an impossible goal.
Part of the reason is this, I was trying to create multiple NEW routines that I had never done before.
Yes, I was trying to build Rome in one day, LOL.
I had to realize and accept the fact that each routine was going to have its own learning curve.
In a way, I started to look at the whole process as chapters, focusing on one chapter at a time.
It would take some time to gain confidence as a writer, by creating solely blog post material.
I then transitioned to video content, becoming best friends with the camera.
Later, once I developed confidence with both, I started to combine them.
As you build your dream life, I invite you to focus on one step at a time instead of trying to make it happen all at once.
Think Outside The Box
“I have submitted my resume and am waiting to hear back.”
“I have done everything I can.”
“I have done everything that was required of me.”
Phrases that I’ve heard hundreds, if not thousands of times, by now.
In fact, I used to subscribe to this school of thought.
As my friend and I continued our conversation, I got even more curious about how his job hunting process was going. What were the obstacles? What was working? What wasn’t working?
I realized that my passion to learn about his experience stemmed largely from my own lived experience.
The days when I’d apply for grants or other forms of funding opportunities to grow my business venture while I was in college, or even securing my first internship.
The process was relatively similar, submit all of the required documents and wait for the response.
For many years leading up to today, I continued to believe that following the rules, submitting the paperwork and waiting for the response, was the only thing I could do.
However, recently, I realized that there was more that I could do to increase my chances.
Whenever I encounter similar situations today, such as submitting XYZ document and waiting for the response (job, grant, loan, etc), I ask myself, “What else can I do to increase my chances of being seen and heard?”
Let’s face it, in most situations that is all that I’m fighting for.
An opportunity for the decision maker to see and hear me.
Can I personally connect with the decision maker via LinkedIn and leave a lasting impression?
Can I mail a handwritten card or letter to the CEO, stamping the envelope “urgent or confidential” (stamps can be bought at Staples or Walmart), so it might actually be read by the appropriate party?
I have asked my network if they know anyone at the company that they could introduce me to.
Those are just a handful of things that I’ve done recently.
AND the results are ... they've worked.
I’ve been a part of meetings that once upon a time I had no business being in ... I have created opportunities that seemed impossible once upon a time ... much of it due to my ability to keep pushing through even in the face of adversity and asking myself, “What am I not seeing? What else can I do? What haven’t I done?”
No matter the journey you might be on today, I encourage you to think outside the box.
I invite you to not settle for the traditional route.
What got you here, may not get you there.
The world is looking for unique and creative ways to solve problems.
The world is waiting for YOUR uniqueness.
What can you learn from all the disruptions of COVID-19?
“What are we here to learn? What is #COVID-19 here to teach us?”
A few years ago, I started to ask myself such questions and it changed my relationship with adversity and challenging circumstances.
This way of thinking did not come without struggle.
It took me daily practice and determination of wanting to see adversity through a different lens.
Initially, I saw adversity and challenging situations as obstacles standing in the way of me achieving my goals.
Through my practice of asking myself, “What am I here to learn? What is this here to teach me?”, I found the courage to face my fears and the resilience needed to transform obstacles into opportunities to learn and grow.
Seeing through the lens of opportunity we grow and expand into more open and willing beings to move forward in life. COVID-19 has disrupted many of our lives like no other time in history.
What is it here to teach us?
For me, COVID-19 is teaching me the importance of being compassionate for other people and for myself, and being open to new possibilities and ways of thinking.
What is it teaching you? What can you learn from all the disruptions of COVID-19?