Have you ever built your model of life on permanency of a relationship?

“Have you ever built your model of life on permanency of a relationship?”

I have.

High school was the first time such thought became evident for me.

I remember moments of being surrounded by couples and thinking, “I’ll be happy once I am with someone.”

For years I searched, yet couldn’t seem to find her.

I felt lost.

I felt out of place.

“Everyone seemed so happy, when will I be?”

Luckily, I was able to find other activities with friends that occupied my mind.

But, even then, the thought of if I’ll ever find THE one remained in the back of my head.

In college, I found myself in a “permanent” relationship.

We dreamed of a place we could call home.

We joked (or maybe we were serious) about starting a family.

Then, years later, that relationship ended.

I asked myself, “How could this happen? How will I move forward?”

There were moments when we seemed indestructible.

Yet, the reality proved otherwise.

I’ve learned many things through this romantic relationship, as well as all of the other relationships that proceeded.

I’ve learned that nothing in life is permanent, everything is temporary.

I believe such applies to a relationship with everything.

Money.

Job.

Friends.

All of these relationships can and have evolved over time.

Happiness and fulfillment as cliché as it may sound, are an inside job.

Only I could be my everything.

I’ve carried this mindset with me ever since.

Now, the groups I am surrounded with are different.

They have a different type of influence.

It is no longer “boyfriend and girlfriend” it is “husband and wife.”

The expectations have shifted.

Buying a house, starting a family, adopting a dog, are the topics of conversation.

I acknowledge this reality for what it is, but I no longer allow it to force me into thinking that it is what I need in order to be happy, fulfilled.

I have found those things deep within me.

Have you ever built your model of life on permanency of a relationship?

What happened when that relationship was gone?

What happened to your life?

“Your Caminho is your Caminho”

“Your Caminho is your Caminho.”

Wise words from a fellow hiker I passed on the way to Porto.

Words that I’ve thought of every step of the way.

Words that have helped me create my own Caminho.

There have been times when I didn’t choose to follow the suggested signs.

Instead, I chose to walk along the ocean to feel the water run through my toes.

There have been times when I chose to go for a swim multiple times throughout the day.

There have been times when I walked barefoot just to see what it felt like.

Why did I do all of this?

I did it because “my Caminho is my Caminho.”

Prior to this long hike, I believed that the only way to complete this task was to get from point A to point B (Lisbon to Santiago de Compostela).

I believed that I couldn’t diverge from the signs.

But, with some experience, I gained confidence.

To create my own signs.

To create my own Caminho.

This walk has taught me that it is not about getting to Santiago or receiving the certificate at the end.

It is not about proving anything to anyone including myself.

It has been about becoming aware of what I encounter along the journey.

The journey is the destination.

It has been about sharing quality time with people that I may or may not encounter ever again.

Laughing together. Crying together.

It has been about intentionally or unintentionally not getting a phone plan, so I didn’t miss the beauty due to the daily distractions of email, social media notifications, etc.

It has been about finding my own rhythm in life.

It has been about learning how to be comfortable in being uncomfortable (cold hostel showers, you will be missed 😂)

For all fellow Caminho walkers, whether you’re walking the trails of Portugal or Spain or your neighborhood or countless other places around the world, I say to you, “your Caminho is your Caminho.”

Bom Caminho!!!

Who have you served today?

“Who have you served today?”

The other night while I was staying at a hostel in A Guarda, I was asked whether or not I wanted dinner.

I hesitated saying, “Yes.”

I didn’t want to be a burden.

I didn’t want the person to go out of his way to make an extra meal.

He insisted.

“It’s not a big deal. I’m going to make all of the food anyway, so I don’t have to carry the extra weight with me.”

I accepted his offer.

Moments after finishing the meal, I chose to return the favor.

Not only to him, but everyone at the table.

I got out of my seat and asked, “Could I wash your dishes?”

One person responded, “You don’t have to do this.”

I said, “You’re correct. I don’t have to do this. I want to do this.”

I didn’t expect anything in return.

I didn’t want recognition for washing their dishes.

I didn’t want them to do the same for me the following day.

True act of service doesn’t come with any debt.

I wanted to serve because service helped them and helped me.

Washing dishes has been therapeutic for me.

It gives me a chance to focus on one task and one task only.

The act of washing dishes eliminates all of the other “distractions” I experience throughout the day.

Who have you served today?

If your day is just starting, who can you serve today?

Do you give yourself credit for how far you’ve come?

“Give yourself credit for how far you’ve come.”

For years, I’ve found it challenging to acknowledge how far I have come.

Whenever someone would say, “Wow, you’ve come a long way from where you started,” I’d dismiss their remark.

I didn’t know how to receive compliments from others.

I felt that talking about what I’ve been through was a form of bragging.

I also used to perceive the past as simply a series of events.

Not any different from the events I experience today.

To me, being humble meant not acknowledging the events for what they were, but rather simply knowing that I made it through them.

In the recent days, I’ve noticed a shift within me.

Whenever I’d share my story with someone and they would respond with, “Wow, I can’t believe you’ve experienced all of that,” I’d respond with, “Thank you. It was a challenging journey to say the least.”

It still feels different to even acknowledge what I’ve been through.

Maybe that’s part of the process of embracing one’s past.

I am proud of the all choices I have made in order to get to where I am today.

I am proud of myself for taking action in order to live the life I once dreamed of.

Do you give yourself credit for how far you’ve come?

How do you find humor during times of adversity?

"All aboard!" said Captain Mario.

Well, not exactly.

Yesterday, as part of our hike to Santiago de Compostela, Spain, we had to cross Rio Miño, separating the Spanish and Portuguese border.

Upon approaching the station where we had to reserve a taxi boat, we noticed a sign in small letters.

“Closed.”

What started as a well planned out day, slowly turned into a scene from the show, Lost.

Finding a 🚙 to hitchhike across towns has been a relatively easy task to accomplish, but finding a 🛶… 😂 😂

I turned to my friend and said, “Alright, we need to find a fisherman. There are no ferries or taxi boats available today.”

Katrin Schnellrieder must have thought, “This guy is crazy. Where is he going to find a fisherman at this hour?”

After walking backward on Camino de Santiago, along the water, we noticed no fishermen in the water.

Who knew that most fishermen would be fishing during the morning and not late afternoon? 😂

I turned to my friend again and said, “I will go find us a boat.”

Not speaking any Portuguese, I went into the nearest neighborhood and started knocking on doors.

After knocking on many doors, I eventually ran into two older ladies.

It felt that the tides were turning.

However, finding them was one thing.

Communicating my needs in a language I didn’t speak was another.

I thought to myself, “How can I tell them that I am looking for a boat?”

I started by breaking down the process.

First, I showed them the general swimming motion 🏊‍♂️

They nodded their heads in agreement.

Then, I started to row an imaginary boat while standing in place 🚣‍♂️

Finally, I made the walking motion with my fingers while repeating, “Camino de Santiago, Camino de Santiago, Camino de Santiago.”

This would have been one of the best stand-up comedy shows if captured on video.

“Un moment,” said one of the ladies as she began her rounds around the neighborhood.

She knocked on fellow fisherman’s door, screamed other fishermen names to wake them up.

But, no fishermen were to be found anywhere.

Then, moments later, I heard a loud scream.

The other woman was making rounds of her own and had come across an older gentleman named, “Captain Mario.”

I tried not to judge, but I was a bit concerned seeing an 85 year old man with textile house slippers, which he lost multiple times on the way to the car, taking us across open waters without much prior boating experience.

But, there were no other options (okay, okay, yes there were such as staying a night at a hostel. But, what’s the fun in that? 😂)

So, we boarded Captain Mario’s car and went to the pier where the taxi boat was docked.

Upon arrival to the dock, I noticed another gentleman working on the boat.

I felt relieved as at least we had someone with experience behind the wheel.

But, moments later, I was proven wrong, as I saw “Captain Mario” climb on board of the boat while losing his slippers again 😂(as my good friend, Thomas taught me over the years, “Challenge your own assumptions and expectations”)

Once again, I hesitated about getting on board, but decided to anyway.

Within minutes, we were in open water, holding for our dear lives 😂 😂 😂

As we approached the other side of the river, I felt relieved.

“We are here.”

We got off the boat and helped push “Captain Mario” back into the open water.

But, I guess the adventure didn’t reach its end just yet.

As we turned around, beginning our hike, I heard “Captain Mario” experience some problems with starting the boat.

I couldn’t help, but laugh at the whole situation.

Luckily, across the river, there was a group of fishermen.

Both, Katrin and I started doing jumping jacks, while “Captain Mario” screamed, “Hey! Help!”

As the fishermen made their way toward us, I asked “Captain Mario,” “Are you okay?”

His response, “Chill.”

I was more afraid for “Captain Mario” than he was for himself 😂 😂 😂

Moments later, he was hooked onto the other fishermen’s boat and towed back.

This must have been one of the easiest 14€ “Captain Mario” has ever made in his life.

This was definitely the most humorous 14€ we’ve ever spent.

How do you find humor during times of adversity?

Learn to laugh at things that otherwise would make you angry

“Learn to laugh at things that otherwise would make you angry.”

This morning, as I was taking Kaleb for a walk, I noticed myself get angry as Kaleb kept on pulling toward a crowd of ducks across the street (a story fellow dog owners are far too familiar with 😂)

“Kaleb, stop pulling,” I repeated one time after another.

But, he refused to listen.

Or maybe he wasn’t listening to begin with 🤔 

With each pull, I would pull him back.

And the famous battle of, “Oleg vs Kaleb” officially began.

September 20th, 2021 (no casualties were reported for those who are left wondering 😂)

Back and forth we exchanged pulls until I noticed myself suddenly begin to laugh at the situation.

I started laughing because of what I was trying to do. 

I was trying to control his existence.

Due to my laughter, I immediately found myself in a place I enjoy the most.

Curiosity.

I got curious about his experience.

“What is he thinking? Does he want to say, ‘Hi!’ Does he want to eat one of the ducks? 👿”

In that moment, I noticed my initial anger transform into a sense of peace.

Do you ever find yourself laughing at things that otherwise make you angry? (Share one of the moments in the comments)

The best gift you can give someone is your time and energy

“The best gift you can give someone is your time and energy.”

It wasn’t until a few years ago when I realized the importance of this lesson.

In fact, I remember exactly where this realization took place.

I was laying down on the floor of my Austin apartment, face pointed directly toward the ceiling, pondering, “What makes gift giving so special?”

Slowly, I noticed my mind wonder down the memory lane of childhood memories.

The times when I would lose sleep leading up to Christmas Eve in anticipation of what I would get the following morning.

Or the countless birthday parties, where friends from all walks of life would gather at my parents place, Laser Tag or some other attraction, followed by a session of opening gifts.

I cherish all of these memories, as they brought tremendous joy to my life.

In fact, before I proceed, I’d like to point out that there is absolutely nothing wrong with giving physical gifts.

Rather, the point of all of this is simply me sharing an observation of how gift giving evolved over the years.

As I continued to think of other memories where gift giving played a major role, I noticed how in the recent years the ultimate gift I was able to receive was not a physical possession, but shared time and energy with other people.

“Why?” I asked myself.

Shared time and energy had been the ultimate gift because it has given me an opportunity to take a glimpse into the gift-givers life.

A brief window into how they view the world and how I could expand my own view.

It has given me an opportunity to hear as well as share stories, which is something I believe in strongly.

I believe everyone has a story that I have never heard before and everyone knows something that I don’t … both are worth knowing.

Perhaps, this is the reason why I am so drawn to #conversations, whether it is through a form of #podcasting or random encounters at coffee shops.

To me, these kind of experiences are simply gifts that keep on giving.

As you think about your own experience, what is the best gift you’ve ever received? What is the best gift you’ve ever given someone?

What about you, continues on after you’re gone?

“What about you, continues on after you’re gone?”

Yesterday, I was having a conversation with a friend’s Mom when this question came up.

I sat on one side of the room, as she sat at the other.

I asked, “What is it like to live without both of your parents? What do you choose to remember about them?”

She continued by sharing one memory after another.

She shared stories of what her parents were like during her childhood, as well as in the later chapters of her life.

Meanwhile, I sat there, in silence, thinking about my own experience.

“What about me would carry on after I am gone?”

What daily actions do I choose in my life in order to influence people around me?

Which of those actions will people choose to remember about me after I am gone?

The simple answer is: It’s complicated 😂

It would be fascinating to travel back from the dead and see the impact I had on others and what they remember about me.

The longer I thought about the initial question, the more I started to think of a series of questions within the question.

Why is it important for things to carry on after I am gone?

Why is it important to be remembered?

Why am I striving for a sense of legacy?

What about the current moment is simply not enough?

As you think about your own experience, “What about you would you like to have carried on after you’re gone? Why?”