“Are there certain things in your relationship that you choose not to share because you want to avoid conflict?”
As I thought about this question, I thought about many of the times when I shared a living space with someone and I chose not to speak up.
I chose not to discuss my discomfort with certain things such as the kitchen looking like a scene from Jurassic Park, all due to wanting to avoid conflict.
In fact, I remember one year when I shared an apartment with a friend of mine.
At first, when I noticed dirty dishes in the sink, I cleaned them myself. Followed by a phone call to one of my friends, expressing to him or her my frustration.
Then, after a while, I started to point it out to my roommate and would ask if he would clean after himself.
He did, but only in the moments when I was around.
If I was gone for an extended period of time such as a week, upon returning home, I’d see the same exact thing, the never ending scene from Jurassic Park.
The only thing that was missing was some Triceratops to eat the leftovers 😂.
This situation was a prime example of this being my problem and me wanting to change the other person’s behavior.
Both, as time has taught me, challenging acts to accomplish.
Life lesson # 1 billion, by now 😂 : Whatever is a problem to me, may not be a problem to someone else.
How did I solve this?
I moved.
As I reflect upon this whole experience, here’s what I learned: (1) Whatever appears to be a problem for me may not be a problem for you, (2) Tension, if handled with care could actually create more depth in a relationship, (3) Much of maintaining a successful relationship depends on effective and consistent cooperation from all parties.
As you think about your own experience, “Are there certain things in your relationship that you choose not to share because you want to avoid conflict?”
