“I felt embarrassed ...”
Yesterday, I was having a conversation with a group of friends during which one of them mentioned how at times he felt embarrassed or ashamed to speak his native tongue.
It made me think of the times when I felt the same type of shame or embarrassment when it came to speaking Russian in public, especially in places where I felt I wouldn’t be understood.
In fact, I remember when I was younger, all the way through college, I would avoid many aspects of my Russian culture in order to fit into American culture.
I avoided speaking Russian as much as possible, eating certain types of food even though I craved many of the meals, or mentioning anything related to my native culture.
Part of the reason why I did this was because I assumed I wouldn’t be understood.
Fitting in meant following the pattern of everyone else whether it was behaving in a certain way, dressing a certain way so as not to draw any additional attention to yourself.
The past few years, I started to embrace my Russian culture more.
I re-developed my interest in Russian food and even speaking the language from time to time.
The difference this time around is I no longer put the same value on the desire to fit in.
Today, I understand that if I don’t find a sense of belonging in one group, it’s not the end of the road.
I simply get up and try again elsewhere.
I am no longer ashamed by the fact that when I speak Russian to someone, they may not fully understand what I’m saying.
I am who I am and I’m proud of that.
I am a Russian/American citizen.
As you think about your own experience, “How do you embrace your own culture?”
