Which elements of your old self are you choosing to hang on to as you’re striving for the next version of your self?

“What do you have to let go of in order to become who you want to be?”

This morning, as I was reading one of S. Scott Mason’s posts about letting go of one’s old version of self, I had realized an important lesson.

One that I chose to overlook for many years.

Lesson: understand which elements of your old self you choose to hang on to during your time of transition from old to new self.

Whenever I wanted to change something in my life, I jumped into it head first, leaving everything behind.

Whether it was a new morning routine, workout pattern … the list goes on.

At first, all of the new changes brought a lot of excitement into my life.

Then, the new changes became overwhelming.

Slowly, this overwhelming feeling became a riddle I simply couldn’t find an answer to.

With Scott Mason’s help, as well as so many others, I have finally found an answer to that riddle.

The new changes became overwhelming because I had no anchors.

Nothing to hang on to, nothing to give me some sense of comfort or support.

I’ve realized that there’s a process to change.

To me, change doesn’t always mean abandoning everything all at once, rather making incremental changes until I am able to fully transition beyond the current circumstances.

Which elements of your old self are you choosing to hang on to as you’re striving for the next version of your self?

Do you know when you need to face a fear or avoid it?

Fight or flight.

This is the core of the sympathetic nervous system.

It is so ingrained in human physiology and psychology that it can be traced to ancient humans.

If a saber tooth tiger was stalking an early man, they had to know how to use their fear to either sprint as fast as they could or overcome the threat with the tools they had at their disposal.

Most humans now do not have the same stresses that our ancestors had.

However, the same response to threats and fears is still very much a part of our being.

The challenge is that this response activates when threats are equally as minor or major.

It takes the wisdom and intellect of an individual to understand what is happening in their body when a perceived threat is presented.

The question then becomes, do you know when you need to face a fear or avoid it? The dilemma: Run away from fear or run to it?

Join Nancy John, Casey Berman and Oleg Lougheed as they express how to successfully navigate #fear and #uncertainty.

How do you challenge your own shortcomings?

“Are you safe?”

Ever since I landed in Ghana, this has been one of the most frequently asked questions from friends in the US.

Every time this question is asked, I can’t help but wonder, “What about Africa does the other person not find safe?”

Is it that I may be the only Caucasian within many, many miles?

Is it the fear of catching an unknown disease?

Is it because the poverty is much higher than a lot of other countries?

But even if the poverty level is higher, does that necessarily mean it’s unsafe?

Or is it something completely different?

This question was asked when I went to other European countries.

But, not in the same order.

It was asked well into the conversation.

Sometimes, not asked at all.

Once I got to Africa, this question has been asked at the beginning of most conversations.

I asked myself the same question, “What about Africa did I perceive as unsafe prior to arriving in Ghana?” and I discovered something.

I realized the perception I carried with me about people of color for many years.

Ever since I was a kid, I remember watching movies where those of color would be perceived as criminals and drug dealers.

This impacted my view greatly.

During my teenage years, there were times when I would cross the street once I saw a person of color sharing the same sidewalk.

There have been times when I’ve been scared to walk down dark alleyways, yet I wasn’t scared to do so if it was another white person there.

I am not here to blame anyone or anything.

I am simply acknowledging my shortcomings.

I have had to rewrite many of the stories I have written about people of color.

Even where I am today, I know I still have much work to do.

What is your perception of different races? What are the narratives you’ve created about those who are different from you?

What are the things you’re searching for?

“Our search is not for the thing, but the feeling that thing gives us.”

The other day, I caught up with an old friend of mine.

It has been years since we last saw each other, yet it felt as if no time had passed.

We shared one story after another.

The places we’ve been to.

The jobs we’ve had.

The people we’ve met.

Halfway through our conversation, he said something that still hasn’t escaped my mind.

“Our search is not for the thing, but the feeling that thing gives us.”

I looked at the burger in front of me.

Then, the iPhone.

Then, my clothes.

I thought, “He couldn’t be more right.”

I wasn’t searching for these items individually, rather the feeling those things could give me.

The feeling of not being hungry.

The feeling of being connected.

The feeling of being warm.

What are the things you’re searching for? What do you hope to feel when you find those things?

How are you making others feel valued and seen?

“Good morning, Boss!”

The other day, a friend of mine had said these words as he was talking to the Uber driver.

It wasn’t the first time I heard these words after my arrival to Ghana.

However, it was the first time these words peaked my interest.

I asked, “Why do people call others ‘boss’, especially when the person is not their boss?”

He responded, “It is meant to make others feel important or valued …”

Regardless of the role, whether it was the person checking our entry tickets at the Asenema Waterfalls, countless of Uber drivers or someone who is making your food, people call others “Boss, King, Director … the list goes on.”

All titles having one common denominator: to make others feel valued and seen.

How are you making others feel valued and seen?

"Look at Each Other as Human Beings Full of Unlimited Potential"​

She said, “I’d like to offer my course for FREE.”

Before she was able to say another word, I asked, “Why for FREE? Why not charge a fee?”

She then said, "she wanted to make it accessible to all who have experienced similar traumatic experiences."

It was at that moment, I realized something about myself.

I used to think the same exact way.

I used to feel bad about myself for charging others who have been through similar traumatic experiences.

Part of the reason why I felt bad was because I was assuming they couldn’t afford it.

Over time though, I realized that not everyone who has experienced trauma in their lives is unable to afford things in life. This was just a bias I had based on my own experiences.

How can one truly escape the invisible prison walls if he or she is being treated as “less than”?

I’m not going to pretend as if I have all of the answers, rather I would like to share with you what I started doing when I first recognized this myself.

I had to develop confidence internally that I was worth what I was asking others to pay. I had to look in the mirror and ask myself, “How much would I pay for your service?”

I had to challenge the concept, “What makes you an expert?” by reminding myself that, “I am an expert of my own life.”

I had to start viewing everyone equally regardless of one’s circumstances.

“If you tell a story long enough, it becomes your truth.”

Today, I invite you to challenge your narrative if you can relate to my experience.

Challenge all of the assumptions and expectations you have about people who have experienced traumatic experiences.

Not everyone who has experienced trauma in their lives is unable to afford things. A matter of fact, this is just a bias some attach to this population.

I invite all of us to look at each other as human beings full of unlimited potential, rather than byproducts of our circumstances.

Think Outside The Box

“I have submitted my resume and am waiting to hear back.”

“I have done everything I can.”

“I have done everything that was required of me.”

Phrases that I’ve heard hundreds, if not thousands of times, by now.

In fact, I used to subscribe to this school of thought.

As my friend and I continued our conversation, I got even more curious about how his job hunting process was going. What were the obstacles? What was working? What wasn’t working?

I realized that my passion to learn about his experience stemmed largely from my own lived experience.

The days when I’d apply for grants or other forms of funding opportunities to grow my business venture while I was in college, or even securing my first internship.

The process was relatively similar, submit all of the required documents and wait for the response.

For many years leading up to today, I continued to believe that following the rules, submitting the paperwork and waiting for the response, was the only thing I could do.

However, recently, I realized that there was more that I could do to increase my chances.

Whenever I encounter similar situations today, such as submitting XYZ document and waiting for the response (job, grant, loan, etc), I ask myself, “What else can I do to increase my chances of being seen and heard?”

Let’s face it, in most situations that is all that I’m fighting for.

An opportunity for the decision maker to see and hear me.

Can I personally connect with the decision maker via LinkedIn and leave a lasting impression?

Can I mail a handwritten card or letter to the CEO, stamping the envelope “urgent or confidential” (stamps can be bought at Staples or Walmart), so it might actually be read by the appropriate party?

I have asked my network if they know anyone at the company that they could introduce me to.

Those are just a handful of things that I’ve done recently.

AND the results are ... they've worked.

I’ve been a part of meetings that once upon a time I had no business being in ... I have created opportunities that seemed impossible once upon a time ... much of it due to my ability to keep pushing through even in the face of adversity and asking myself, “What am I not seeing? What else can I do? What haven’t I done?”

No matter the journey you might be on today, I encourage you to think outside the box.

I invite you to not settle for the traditional route.

What got you here, may not get you there.

The world is looking for unique and creative ways to solve problems.

The world is waiting for YOUR uniqueness.

"Don't Judge A Book By Its Cover"​

A couple days ago, I picked up a book that my father gifted me with a few years ago, “Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It.”

As I read through the first chapter, I began to lose focus of the message being conveyed.

“Much of what he is saying I had already heard,” I thought to myself. 

I began to question whether or not I should continue reading through the remaining chapters. 

In that moment of questioning, I realized something that I hadn't before.

Prior to picking up the book and brushing the dust off the front cover, I made assumptions about what I needed to learn from it. 

All based on the title and the brief summary I read online of what’s in the pages.

What this moment made me realize was the importance of not creating assumptions before picking up any book or interacting with a source of knowledge, rather allowing my mind to expand by asking myself the question of, “What can I learn today?”

I can only imagine the number of books I’ve passed up on from the first glance, thinking that I already knew the treasure hidden within the beautiful body of work. 

In reality, what I’ve learned over time is that you really can't judge a book by it's cover!

I’m curious, “How do you change your mindset to pick up that book even if you don't like the title, the cover, or the first page?”

Oleg Lougheed is the host of the Overcoming Odds Podcast, where you get a glimpse into the stories of individuals who have overcome adversity, suffering, and struggle in achieving their personal success.