"The problem is YOU.”
It took me a few years to fully understand this phrase after I first heard it.
I remember situations where I’d be asking myself, “How could the problem be me when from my perspective the problem was the other person's?"
This was an especially difficult reframe when the conflicts became violent.
Well, years later, I finally understood the meaning behind the initial message.
In fact, yesterday, as I was having a conversation with a friend of mine, the meaning behind the initial message became even more clear.
In recent days, I’ve experienced a lot of tension when I have heard others speak on behalf of someone else’s experience and use the words “we should ... we must ... we need to ...”
Sitting at my kitchen table, reading others posts and thinking to myself, “How does he know what I am feeling? Why is she including me and using 'we'? That is not how I feel!"
It was in that moment, I realized an important element.
The tension I was experiencing had nothing to do with the other person’s writing, it had everything to do with how I was seeing the perceived reality.
I thought, “It’s possible that the person feels so strongly about a particular point that he or she chooses to use ‘WE MUST or WE NEED TO’ to convey a point”.
At that moment, I felt at ease.
I was no longer having what felt like a world war inside of me.
I was able to see the other person’s possible reality.
The problem is ME because it is only a problem for me. It may not be a problem for the other person.
