“We need to ... We should ...”
There were many times throughout my life when I used these statements and if I am being honest with myself, I probably still do at times.
Whenever I was asked a question, especially one demanding an answer to a problem, I’d respond with, “We need to ... or we should ...”
It wasn’t until two years ago, when I met Brian Kelly, that I became aware of what I was doing.
I was speaking on behalf of everyone by using “We” when the reality of the matter was I haven’t walked a single step in anyone else’s shoes.
At that moment I began to ask myself, “What gives me the authority to speak on behalf of everyone else’s experience? Who’s "WE"?
In listening to Brian speak on numerous occasions, I began to notice a change that was happening internally.
I started to use “I” statements instead of "We."
Using "I" statements gave me a sense of ownership and responsibility over my words.
I also struggled to accept that I needed to change another word I used frequently.
I changed “need or should” to “invite or encourage”.
It took me months of consistent practice, using these words properly in order to make them habits that I incorporated into my everyday routine.
[Now, the challenge becomes what do I do when I hear these statements. How do I deal with my discomfort? That's a topic for another conversation.]
As I stated previously, there are still times when I use these statements, “we need to or we should.”
The difference now is that I am able to catch myself and correct the behavior.
I invite you next time you use “we need to or we should”, whether it’s in your next blog post or the next conversation. Ask yourself, "Who’s 'We'"?
