What Makes You Want to Donate?

What makes you want to donate?

As Nicole Ash and I sat in our virtual Zoom office, thinking about the specific fundraising campaigns for the upcoming year to cover the cost of managing Overcoming Odds (producing podcast episodes, curating stories that people share, organizing virtual events, holding weekly space for deep, meaningful conversations), I began to think about my own experience of donating and the challenges I had faced prior to making those decisions.

I asked myself, “What is the real challenge of donating? Is it not knowing how the money will be spent? Is it lack of trust between the donor and the organization? Is it something completely different?”

Although, I think trust, credibility and/or personal connection to the cause play a role, I began to think that there was more to it.

For me, my thoughts led me to a feeling.

I think the act of donating and how much I donate is measured by the feeling that comes over me.

In particular, the feeling of what it took to earn the money.

As I looked at the previous experiences where I chose to give, I noticed a difference between giving $5 verses $10.

Both decisions were intentional, the difference was the perceived reality of what it took to earn either the $5 or $10.

In my mind, it appeared more difficult to earn $10 than $5.

The labor was the same, but the difference is how long it took to earn the amount.

Today, I challenge you to donate $5 to a cause of your choice, AND ask one other person to donate $5 to a cause of their choice.

Think about the difference we could all make by doing this.

What is the value that you placed on the $5? Does it register as a $5 donation in your mind? Does it make you feel good to donate? Do you realize you are making a difference?

Should you choose to donate to Overcoming Odds, in advance, my gratitude and appreciation.

Let us all take a moment and think about the significant impact we can have on our communities who need our donations.

"The Problem is YOU"​

"The problem is YOU.”

It took me a few years to fully understand this phrase after I first heard it.

I remember situations where I’d be asking myself, “How could the problem be me when from my perspective the problem was the other person's?"

This was an especially difficult reframe when the conflicts became violent.

Well, years later, I finally understood the meaning behind the initial message.

In fact, yesterday, as I was having a conversation with a friend of mine, the meaning behind the initial message became even more clear.

In recent days, I’ve experienced a lot of tension when I have heard others speak on behalf of someone else’s experience and use the words “we should ... we must ... we need to ...”

Sitting at my kitchen table, reading others posts and thinking to myself, “How does he know what I am feeling? Why is she including me and using 'we'? That is not how I feel!"

It was in that moment, I realized an important element.

The tension I was experiencing had nothing to do with the other person’s writing, it had everything to do with how I was seeing the perceived reality.

I thought, “It’s possible that the person feels so strongly about a particular point that he or she chooses to use ‘WE MUST or WE NEED TO’ to convey a point”.

At that moment, I felt at ease.

I was no longer having what felt like a world war inside of me.

I was able to see the other person’s possible reality.

The problem is ME because it is only a problem for me. It may not be a problem for the other person.

“We need to ... We should ...”

“We need to ... We should ...”

There were many times throughout my life when I used these statements and if I am being honest with myself, I probably still do at times.

Whenever I was asked a question, especially one demanding an answer to a problem, I’d respond with, “We need to ... or we should ...”

It wasn’t until two years ago, when I met Brian Kelly, that I became aware of what I was doing.

I was speaking on behalf of everyone by using “We” when the reality of the matter was I haven’t walked a single step in anyone else’s shoes.

At that moment I began to ask myself, “What gives me the authority to speak on behalf of everyone else’s experience? Who’s "WE"?

In listening to Brian speak on numerous occasions, I began to notice a change that was happening internally.

I started to use “I” statements instead of "We."

Using "I" statements gave me a sense of ownership and responsibility over my words.

I also struggled to accept that I needed to change another word I used frequently.

I changed “need or should” to “invite or encourage”.

It took me months of consistent practice, using these words properly in order to make them habits that I incorporated into my everyday routine.

[Now, the challenge becomes what do I do when I hear these statements. How do I deal with my discomfort? That's a topic for another conversation.]

As I stated previously, there are still times when I use these statements, “we need to or we should.”

The difference now is that I am able to catch myself and correct the behavior.

I invite you next time you use “we need to or we should”, whether it’s in your next blog post or the next conversation. Ask yourself, "Who’s 'We'"?

How Do You Accept A Compliment?

How do you accept a compliment?

I have struggled with this for years and even sometimes today, I find it difficult.

I would brush the compliment off completely and quickly move on to the next topic.

My face would turn red.

A sense of shame and embarrassment would fill up my body.

My eyes would begin to wonder, trying to grab onto the nearest object, so I no longer had to look at the person. 

In recent years, I began to develop interest in wanting to change my relationship with how I accept compliments.

It all started with tackling the core feelings of shame and embarrassment.

I began to ask myself, “Why do I feel embarrassed when someone says a nice thing about me?”

I realized that part of the reason came from my environment and culture.

As early as I can remember, there were very few opportunities where space was created for me to acknowledge the things I was proud of myself.

I can’t remember a single time when I looked at myself in the mirror and said, “I’m proud of who you have become. I am proud of all of the times you chose to get back up when life knocked you down.”

I thought, “If I am not able to accept compliments from myself, how can I expect to accept compliments from others?”

Then, I started to challenge myself. I would sit uncomfortably, but still with intent, when someone would compliment me.

I would choose to look the person in the eyes.

Internally, I felt a sense of warmth.

Tears, sometimes, streamed down my face.

I was uncovering a version of myself that has always been there, but had been buried deep below the surface to survive my life.

Now, words wouldn’t do it justice in trying to describe how I feel when I receive a compliment.

All I can say is it makes me feel ALIVE.

How Do You Hold Yourself Accountable?

"How do you hold yourself accountable?”

A question I pondered as I was reading, “Can’t Hurt Me” by David Goggins.

I asked myself, “Why is it so challenging to hold myself accountable sometimes?”

As I sat there, at my kitchen table, thinking about how I view accountability and what that means to me, I began to realize something.

One of the reasons why I have had a difficult time holding myself accountable is because I have taken the “path of least resistance.”

In other words, when things got “hard”, I chose to take the less challenging path toward the false feeling of accomplishment.

I would get up and start walking around the room, convincing myself that my time was being well spent.

Or I’d head straight toward the pantry to get one of my favorite snacks even though I just had a big meal, enough to keep me full for the rest of the week LOL.

At the end of the day, the task I was aspiring to complete was NOT complete, but yet I was able to convince myself that I made progress toward completion.

In the book, “Can’t Hurt Me” there’s a chapter where David talks about having an “accountability mirror.”

A physical mirror that he looks at every single day, covered with sticky notes of what he aspires for, his deepest insecurities, in order to keep himself accountable for that day.

I don’t have a mirror, rather I try to observe and eliminate distractions such as checking notifications from every single social media platform.

I don’t get it right every time, but I try.

I’m not perfect.

I am human.

As someone once said, “I am a masterpiece and a work in progress at the same time.”

As an example of a distraction in my life...there came a time when I realized how dependent I had become on my phone, and I needed to change this.

I still check my phone at random times, outside of the scheduled time blocks I have for engagement.

But, the time I spend now is significantly less than what it used to be.

I believe that every conscious choice I make to check my phone when the thought comes to me, and I DON'T check it, I am rewiring my brain.

Not every thought I experience do I need to act upon. This has not been easy for me, but I am learning. 

For me the first step in developing greater accountability is understanding how the things surrounding me are serving me.

Does checking social media every 5 minutes get me any closer toward my goal? 

Does having a snack every 15 or so minutes get me any closer toward my goal?

How are the things in your life (habits, behaviors, activities, relationships, etc) serving you and helping you be more accountable in life?

"Look at Each Other as Human Beings Full of Unlimited Potential"​

She said, “I’d like to offer my course for FREE.”

Before she was able to say another word, I asked, “Why for FREE? Why not charge a fee?”

She then said, "she wanted to make it accessible to all who have experienced similar traumatic experiences."

It was at that moment, I realized something about myself.

I used to think the same exact way.

I used to feel bad about myself for charging others who have been through similar traumatic experiences.

Part of the reason why I felt bad was because I was assuming they couldn’t afford it.

Over time though, I realized that not everyone who has experienced trauma in their lives is unable to afford things in life. This was just a bias I had based on my own experiences.

How can one truly escape the invisible prison walls if he or she is being treated as “less than”?

I’m not going to pretend as if I have all of the answers, rather I would like to share with you what I started doing when I first recognized this myself.

I had to develop confidence internally that I was worth what I was asking others to pay. I had to look in the mirror and ask myself, “How much would I pay for your service?”

I had to challenge the concept, “What makes you an expert?” by reminding myself that, “I am an expert of my own life.”

I had to start viewing everyone equally regardless of one’s circumstances.

“If you tell a story long enough, it becomes your truth.”

Today, I invite you to challenge your narrative if you can relate to my experience.

Challenge all of the assumptions and expectations you have about people who have experienced traumatic experiences.

Not everyone who has experienced trauma in their lives is unable to afford things. A matter of fact, this is just a bias some attach to this population.

I invite all of us to look at each other as human beings full of unlimited potential, rather than byproducts of our circumstances.

One Step At A Time

“Building a 1,000 piece puzzle starts with finding ONE piece”

It took me years to understand and implement this.

I used to try to figure it out, all at once.

In fact, this has been one of my biggest challenges I had to overcome.

Being a deep thinker has its perks, but over analyzing and overthinking things to the point where I talk myself out of action is not one of them.  

I remember the first time I had a thought about becoming a public speaker.

I wanted to have it all from the start.

I’d look at all of the speakers whom I’ve respected and try to figure out how to do all of the things they were doing.

Have professionally shot videos, daily blog posts, testimonials, speaker reel, etc.

What I realized, was that I was setting myself up for nearly an impossible goal.

Part of the reason is this, I was trying to create multiple NEW routines that I had never done before.

Yes, I was trying to build Rome in one day, LOL.

I had to realize and accept the fact that each routine was going to have its own learning curve.

In a way, I started to look at the whole process as chapters, focusing on one chapter at a time.

It would take some time to gain confidence as a writer, by creating solely blog post material.

I then transitioned to video content, becoming best friends with the camera.

Later, once I developed confidence with both, I started to combine them.

As you build your dream life, I invite you to focus on one step at a time instead of trying to make it happen all at once.

"Do Talk To Strangers"

A couple weeks ago, I was talking to Nicole Ash when halfway through the conversation she had mentioned, “You have to see this post I’ve come across ... It is the funniest post I’ve come across in a while.”

The post was titled something along the lines of, “Big reward for a missing squirrel ... $1,500.”

It most definitely caught my eye, as I had never before seen a post quite like this.

As my eyes wandered down to the paragraph, I realized that this was about an individual looking for employment after losing his job due to COVID-19 ... Not a missing squirrel.  

As I finished reading the last word of this beautifully designed hilarious masterpiece, I wanted to help.

“I’ll call you back,” I said to Nicole.

I dialed the number on the ad and began by saying, “I don’t usually do this, but ...”

45 minutes later, I was still conversing with this great guy about a possible plan to help him find employment.

In fact, I would say we came up with so much more than a plan.

We came up with a business idea.

Weeks later, Nicole helped him secure a job, and I continued on building the legacy of this phone call by putting the business concept, “Just A Squirrel Looking For A Nut; Trying To Get Out Of This Rut” into action.

Yesterday, Scott Mason and I launched our very first episode of, “Just A Squirrel Looking For A Nut; Trying To Get Out Of This Rut”. The purpose of the show is to create a space where we can light heartedly discuss life’s most difficult moments and gain insights in order to help us keep moving forward.

The lesson of this story is had I not picked up the phone and connected with this stranger, I would not have discovered this new opportunity in my life.  

Every encounter can be of value if you choose to approach it with an open mind and an open heart!!!

Oleg Lougheed is the host of the Overcoming Odds Podcast, where you get a glimpse into the stories of individuals who have overcome adversity, suffering, and struggle in achieving their personal success.