What is your body telling you when it’s going through changes?

“What does it mean when your body changes?”

A question I was thinking about this morning, as I sat at my kitchen table, looking at the birds outside of my window.

The more I thought about it, the more I began to see a pattern.

I realized that once my bottom lip split, I am either in the process of having a cold or about to get one.

Ever since I’ve been aware of it, 99% of the time one of the two takes place.

Once my bottom lip splits, it becomes a challenge to laugh or even open my mouth wide.

Eating certain food, such as a burger, becomes difficult because it requires me to open my mouth extremely wide.

Now that I think about it, I suppose it doesn’t have to be that way.

Maybe that’s just the way I’ve been taught.

Next time, I can cut the burger into multiple pieces.

Would that still be considered American? 😂 

The other change I’ve realized is whenever I experience stress, a pimple forms on the left side of my face, under my lower lip.

It does not fully form.

Yet, here I am, trying to pop it every time.

Squeezing it to the point where I end up leaving a scar from the finger nails.

One day, I am hoping to learn the lesson and overcome the desire of wanting to squeeze it.

There’s something fascinating about that process.

The more aware I’ve become of my body, the quicker I have been able to take the necessary measures.

Whether it was boosting my immune system to prevent or deal with the cold at hand, or meditating to deal with stress.

As you think about your own experience, “What is your body telling you when it’s going through changes? What are those changes?”

Why do you choose to attend events?

“Why do you choose to attend events?”

A friend of mine recently asked me this.

“I attend events because ...”

Nothing, but silence followed.

I thought, “That’s a great question, now that I think about it.”

As I sat there, thinking about my own reasons for why I choose to attend certain events, I’ve realized that my answer changed depending on the event itself.

Some events I choose to attend due to wanting to hear what one or a group of facilitators had to say on a particular topic of interest.

Others I choose to attend either in support of someone I know or to find an answer to a question I am seeking.

I also choose to attend to simply connect with people of similar interests.

As I was reflecting upon the initial question, I’ve also realized that I was more likely to attend an event that had an entrance fee.

Entering the credit card number and clicking, “purchase” makes me feel like I have “skin in the game.”

No matter how small the amount may be, the purchasing decision somehow prioritizes the experience in my mind and makes it more valuable.

Much of this could be due to my perception of money.

If the money is earned, it carries a different energy with it.

For me, it makes it more valuable. 

Therefore, I am more likely to commit to the action at hand.

"Don’t let one bad experience determine your future experiences"

"Don’t let one bad experience determine your future experiences."

As I was walking Kaleb this afternoon, I had come across two dogs, both standing in the neighbor’s driveway, off leash.

I immediately thought, “Oh, no!”

That immediate thought came from a past experience, remembering when Kaleb was attacked by another dog who was off leash.

I still remember the size of the open wound on his chest.

Sitting with him in the bathtub of my apartment, trying to keep the blood from filling up the tub.

And then the 10 PM rush to the 24 hour emergency vet to get the wound stitched up.

Then came the $500 bill.

As I quickly passed both dogs, and Kaleb wanting to go say, “Hi”, I had thought of the importance of not letting one poor experience define future ones.

Not all dogs, off leash, want to attack and hurt, I thought.

Maybe that was not even the case, when Kaleb left with a battle scar.

Maybe it was Kaleb who instigated the fight between the two? Who knows?

I wish he spoke English sometimes. It would certainly make things easier.  

As I thought about dogs, I couldn’t help but think of humans.

I couldn’t help but think of all of the “poor experiences” I’ve had with someone and then letting that one experience define the future experiences.

I then started to question, “What if that person was having a tough day? What if their dog was bit and this is how they were processing their sadness? What if something very stressful had just happened and the person was displacing their anger?"

So many things to think about regarding poor experiences.

How can you channel your anger into powerful, productive action?

"You can't do it.”

I remember one of the first times I heard these words.

I didn’t have the perspective that I do today, so I took those words personally.

I said to myself, “watch me.”

Inside, I felt a pot of chicken noodle soup starting to boil.

The anger was real.

In fact, as I look back at my journey, some of the greatest moments of inspiration came from that source of anger.

The times when someone would say, “You can’t do it or there is no way something like this is possible.”

Laura Staley recently mentioned, “anger is the inverse of passion.”

Knowing what I know today, I believe there’s a grain of truth in that statement.

It took me a while to understand how to channel that anger in a productive way.

Using it as a source of creation, not a force of destruction.

As I think about the subject today, I can’t help but think of all of the times when I was told to shy away from anger.

Or the times when someone would say, “you’re angry, you need to change that.”

Today, especially now, I don’t choose to shy away from it.

I embrace it.

In fact, I welcome people who think “I can’t do certain things in life.”

I welcome such feedback, as I believe it could provide me with the much needed inspiration to achieve the exact thing I aspire for.

How do you or can you channel your anger into powerful, productive action?

“Have you ever cheated on a test before?”

“Have you ever cheated on a test before?”

As Nicole continued to share her journey of helping her son prepare for a math final, I couldn’t help but think of my own experiences when I had to prepare for similar exams, especially those that I cheated on ... back when the dinosaurs were alive.

Just kidding, it wasn’t that long ago 🤦‍♂️

The memory that immediately came to my mind was of middle school.

In particular, a time when I along with a group of classmates cheated on a math exam towards the end of the year.

I’ll be honest, it wasn’t my first time nor my last.

In fact, the more that I think about it today, we got pretty good at it.

There was one technique that worked especially well.

“Students, please clear off your desks and place everything on the floor,” the teacher would announce before passing out the exam.

I’d put the thick, blue binder in front of my feet, with the practice exam on top of it.

Then, I’d push the chair away from my desk, so there was a slight distance for my eyes to look down and see the practice exam.

You might be wondering, “Isn’t it a different test?”

You’d think so, but not always.

Oftentimes the only difference between the practice test and final exam were the actual numbers in the problems.

The equations or principles used behind solving the problems were the same.

The danger of this act was getting caught and facing the consequences.

I always wondered what the consequences would be if you got caught.

Do you get expelled or simply told not to do it again?

I didn’t want to find out.

So, I got creative with how I to do it.

If I had to turn the page on the practice exam, I’d use my right foot to flip the page over.

If I had to go back a page, I’d squeeze that page between both feet and bring it back.

I then would look up at the clock, as if I was concerned about how much time I had to finish the exam.

Talk about a time when my anxiety levels were through the roof ... this was definitely one of those times, even when I got "good" at the process.

Today, I ask myself, “Why did I cheat? What did I learn from cheating?”

I learned that I cheated when I felt ill-prepared.

The thought of failing was devastating.

One exam, at the time, could change the trajectory of the entire path moving forward. At least that’s how it felt in my mind.

Maybe if failure was embraced instead of looked down upon, it would have been a different experience.

There might not have been a need to cheat.

What if instead of receiving an “F” on an exam, I was asked, “What could you do differently next time? What did you learn from this experience?”

I now would like to ask you, “Have you ever cheated on a test? What has cheating taught you?”

What makes something awkward?

“How do you end a conversation?”

I was speaking to a person I’ve recently connected with, and this question came to mind.

As we approached the end or what appeared like an end to the conversation, I felt an awkward sense.

It was almost as if I forgot how to say, “Goodbye or talk to you later.”

Instead, I started to reiterate the same things I already said 30 seconds ago.

Can you relate?

Have you done this before?

Then, after a few seconds of nothing but silence, I said, “Well, I look forward to hearing from you soon. Have a great day!”

This wasn’t the first time I’ve experienced this.

In fact, I’ve been fascinated by this concept as long as I’ve been aware of it.

What does awkward even mean? What makes something awkward? Do all conversations have their own unique level of awkwardness?

In looking at previous experiences, I’ve realized that part of the awkwardness came from the event being different from the ones I’m used to.

The difference in environment, style of communication (some prefer to take a pause before speaking in order to think things through while others don’t), medium of communication (phone or in person), and many other differences.

I then came to a conclusion.

“It’s only awkward if I make it awkward.”

The only reason why this conversation appeared to be awkward is because of the expectations I had on how I thought it should end.

So, instead of looking at this as something to avoid, I started to look at this sense of awkwardness as something to embrace.

As you think about similar moments within your life, what does awkward mean to you? 

What makes something awkward? 

Do all conversations have their own unique level of awkwardness?

“Don’t jump ship. Stay the course”

“Don’t jump ship. Stay the course”

I recently had a conversation with a friend of mine when this came up.

As he continued sharing his journey of fulfilling his own purpose in life, I began to think about mine.

In particular, I began to think about my journey as a public speaker.

March 8th, 2020.

The day that I experienced my first test, financially, as a speaker.

I had multiple speaking engagements booked for the months of April and May, when I heard the news.

“I apologize, but we will be canceling this year’s event due to COVID-19 ...” the email read.

I sat there, in silence, with tears streaming down my face, as I was embracing the reality of the matter.

I had picked up my phone and called my closest friends.

“They’re all canceled,” I said.

Without hesitation, one of my friends said, “Stay the course. Those opportunities will come back in one way or another.”

Fortunately, through reframing the adverse circumstance into a learning opportunity, and with the help from my family/friends, I was able to overcome the feeling of what appeared to be lost opportunities relatively quickly.

It took some time, months if I’m being honest, for those opportunities to reappear in a different form.

In fact, this is one of the elements I continuously try to remind myself of.

Just because I am able to reframe adversity into opportunity relatively quickly, it still takes time for new opportunities to present themselves.

I could have jumped ship and folded my hand, but instead I stayed the course.

In fact, had I not gone through this entire experience, I would not have learned about new industries for me to explore, met people who have become a significant part of my journey, and developed even greater resilience than I had before.

Now, I believe, there’s a difference between pursuing something that’s not in alignment with who I am and something that is in alignment with who I am.

Public speaking is in alignment with who I am.

I know this because of my ability to deeply connect with others and hold a space where individuals can fully be themselves.

As you continue on your journey, I invite you to not jump ship and stay the course, if you’re in alignment with what you’re pursuing.

"They’re not even your real parents”

"They’re not even your real parents”.

I remember the first time I heard this statement. I was in middle school, seventh grade.

I was confused and in disbelief when I first heard these words. 

In fact, being adopted was a topic brought up multiple times throughout my middle school experience.

I remember being laughed at in school about being an adopted child, both on the playground and in the classroom.

Some kids teased, “Your real parents didn’t love you" or  "You were given up and will never be loved".

For some reason, “They aren't your real parents” stung more than any other remark.

Those words carried a dense feeling with them. It was as if an elephant was on my chest and I couldn’t breath.

I was paralyzed as these words cut deep inside of me.

I had a come back to many of the “jokes” the kids would say about me, or I would  just "laugh" it off even though on the inside I felt shame, embarrassment and loneliness when I was made fun of.

I think this is one of the reasons it was easy for me to connect with others who were made fun of.

I was able to empathize.

This time around though, when I heard..."they aren't your real parents," I didn’t know what to say.

I thought , “What does he mean by that?”

Unfortunately, the topic of conversation was quick, as many of the middle school conversations were, so I didn’t get a chance to ask him questions about what he meant by "real" parents. Was this the first word that came to his mind? Did he know it was hurtful? Did he hear it from his parents? Was it the only word he knew to distinguish the difference between his parents and my parents?

Today as I think about that experience, I get curious, “What does it mean to be a real parent? What is a parent?”

Far too often in life, I take meanings at face value.

I’ve accepted the definitions society presented to me in the past, but today I question what they truly mean to me.

In this chapter of my life, I am choosing to change that approach.

As I think about what makes a “real parent”, I can’t help but think about an individual who genuinely loves the child, supports, nurtures, encourages the child and provides a space for the child to be heard and to be seen, and appreciated for who they are.

From my perspective, it is so much more than being connected by blood.

I’ve been fortunate to experience the concept of parenting via multiple perspectives.

Not only via my parents, but also through those who are parents to others surrounding me.

What does being a parent mean to you?