What are the challenges of staying consistent?

“What are the challenges of staying consistent?”

I’ve recently set a new goal for myself, to be able to document my journey on a daily basis.

No specific length, simply an exercise for me to learn from my experience on this planet.

What I’m learning from my interactions with others, how I am processing life, etc.

A few weeks into the new routine, I’ve hit a roadblock.

Nothing too extreme, but significant enough to set me off course.

Over a week ago, I went back home for the holidays to visit my parents and spend some time with them.

During that time, I tried my best to maintain the momentum gained while starting this new routine in Austin.

But, it was becoming increasingly more difficult to do so.

Part of the reason why I believe I’ve experienced this is due to the change in the environment.

At first, I had thought that all of these limitations were all due to a story I told myself.

Now, maybe there’s a grain of truth to those limitations, but I also think there’s truth to the fact that it is a new environment.

In Austin, I was able to “control”, to a degree, my environment.

Over the years of living there, I have learned different ways to create my creative space.

I understand the importance of being in a quiet space with no one else, but, “Me, myself and I.”

I have found specific spots where creative thought flows through me without even thinking about it twice, oftentimes either sitting at the kitchen table or laying down on the couch.

I now understand that with every new transition, there may come a set of new changes or challenges to work through.

Based on your experience, “what have been some of your challenges in staying consistent?”

When you look at your past self, what do you see?

“When you look at your past self, what do you see?”

The other day, I was helping my Dad in the basement of the house where I grew up.

We were moving a set of boxes, and I noticed a drawing on the ping pong table.

“What’s that?” I asked internally.

I carefully set down the boxes and turned toward the ping pong table.

It was a drawing of a pug that I made when I was in 6th grade.

My initial reaction, I couldn’t help but smile when I first saw it.

It took me down a memory lane of all of the times when I would lay on the floor of the living room and draw for hours upon hours.

As I picked up the stack of papers, I also noticed there were other drawings along with a collage that I made around the same time.

If I remember correctly, I believe it was a school assignment where I had to make a collage of how I saw our family.

If you had to make a collage answering, “how do you see your family?”, what would be on it?

As I looked at it more closely, I noticed I saw what appeared to be my “brother” with his face stuffed full of pizza, my parents in the top left corner smiling, an F-150 with a sack of money in the back with an aspiration written under it, “I want to be a race car driver”, and underneath it all a set of hobbies including playing basketball with my brother, watching football and playing my game boy.

I smiled, one of pure joy, as I put the collage back down on the ping pong table.

Even though I may be a different person today with a different perspective of family and life, at the core I believe some things remained the same.

I still find joy in watching football every Saturday and Sunday.

I would still like to pick a game boy and play “FIFA 08”.

When I look at my past today, especially this collage, I see a direct reflection of a kid who stayed curious about life and saw people in their best possible light.

When you look at your post self, what do you see?

How do you define what you do for a living in a way that would stimulate someone’s curiosity or prompt them to connect?

Summer Watson recently asked, “How do you define what you do for a living in a way that would stimulate someone’s curiosity or prompt them to connect?”

As a way to continue my Harry Potterish length series on, “How does ANYONE understand what you do for a living?” 😂, I chose to accept Summer’s challenge and pull out the magic that life has to offer.

As I sat on my 🛋 and thought about Summer’s question, I couldn’t help but ask myself, “What interests me about what I do? What peaks my curiosity?”

And down the rabbit 🕳 I went.

For me, what interests me about what I do for a living is the continued pursuit in wanting to learn about how others and myself included experience life.

It is about losing track of time (those who have spoken to me will understand 😂) and doing a deep dive into: What does it mean to be alive? What makes you feel alive? Is life happening for you or to you or a combination of the two or neither?

It is about an overwhelming feeling of excitement I experience in seeing someone else’s eyes light up when they learn something new about themselves or life around them. It makes me feel that I am not alone in being amazed by the beauty of being alive.

It is about creating a space where I can shift my own perspectives by listening to someone else’s perspectives. It is there and then I understand that the way I see the world is only A way not THE way.

As you think about your experience, “How do you define what you do for a living in a way that would stimulate someone’s curiosity or prompt them to connect?”

“How well do your parents understand what you do for a living?”

“How well do your parents understand what you do for a living?”

A question I was left pondering after reading Reena Friedman Watts’ post the other day in her Facebook group.

As I sat there thinking about the different conversations I’ve had with my parents about what I do for a living, I couldn’t help but take the question to another level, “How well does ANYONE understand what you do for living?”

I remember one time in particular, during a visit back to Ann Arbor, I went to lunch with one of my mentors from high school.

It had been at least six years since we saw each other last.

Quite a bit had changed during that time, including his health condition.

As we sat at Zingerman's Roadhouse, prior to going to the University of Michigan basketball game, he asked me, “What do you do for a living?”

I replied with, “I am a professional speaker.”

He said, “And you get paid for that? I don’t understand, please explain.”

As I continued to explain how one, myself included, gets paid for a living as a professional speaker, I had noticed that there was a disconnect.

Even after explaining who I speak to (child welfare related organizations such as #foster care or #adoption or #kinship care, private/public school, #colleges and #universities, etc) and the different topics I cover (reframing #adversity into opportunity, understanding one's inner #narrative, etc), he still didn’t understand what I was doing.

It was at that moment, I realized the difference between explaining what I do for a living and convincing someone of what I do for a living.

I had asked, “Do you know of any professional speakers within your network?”

He answered, “No, I do not.”

Then, I assumed that part of the reason why he didn’t fully grasp what I was saying was because he didn’t know of anyone else that had a similar career.

There was no point of reference.

Slowly after the conversation had ended with him saying, “Well, best of luck to you in your career ... I know you’ll do great, as you’ve done in all things.”

This moment helped me realize the following about how I answer this question in the future: (1) Use words that are easily understood (child welfare was too complex of a term, but foster care or adoption was not), (2) Try to use reference points by asking the individual, “Is there anyone within your network that does what I do?” (3) Don’t assume people will understand what you do for a living.

In your life, how well does ANYONE understand what you do for a living?

What does it mean to ‘overcome?

"What does it mean to ‘overcome?’”

A couple weeks ago, I was having a conversation with Nancy John, and this question was brought up.

After a brief back and forth in sharing the initial perspectives on the topic, I realized that part of “overcoming” is not necessarily defeating or eliminating, but rather developing a different relationship with it.

The question shifts from “how do I defeat or eliminate XYZ?” to “what type of relationship would I like to have with XYZ?”

Far too often throughout my life, I tried to eliminate many areas that appeared to be obstacles.

Whether it was depression, anxiety, stress ... you name it. 

I then began to realize that I don’t think it’s possible to eliminate those areas out of my life.

They always have been and always will be with me every step of the way.

Same thought process applies to adversity.

I don’t believe it’s possible to completely escape adversity or adverse circumstances.

In fact, I believe there’s meaning within the adversity, but that’s a topic for another conversation.

I proceeded by saying, “Nancy, I think you have helped me realize the hidden meaning behind, "Overcoming Odds’.”

To me, “overcoming” is about creating a space to develop a different relationship with the topic at hand.

If it’s stress, then the question becomes, “What type of relationship would I like to have with stress? What about XYZ appears to be stressful? Does it have to be stressful?”

The same model applies to all of the other topics above. 

What does “overcoming” mean to you?

“If you are going to do it at all, do the best that you can”

“If you are going to do it at all, do the best that you can.”

These were the exact words my Mom used as I was mopping the floor of our two story house many years ago.

I was young, still at the stage of cutting corners from time to time.

All with the intention of completing the task as fast as possible, so I could play outside with my friends.

This time, I was doing exactly that.

I was cutting corners.

Instead of moving all of the boxes or anything else that might have been in the way, I would mop around them.

I knew better, I just didn’t choose to do better.

As I made my way through the kitchen, heading toward the family room, she came out of the computer room to grab something to drink, but I really think it was to see how I was doing.

In fact, as she made her way through the narrow hallway, she saw me mop around one of the boxes next to the kitchen island.

“Oleg, if you’re going to do it at all, do the best that you can. Move all of the boxes and mop under them.”

BUSTED.

I thought internally, “Damn, now I have to go back and do it again.”

I waited until she left to go back and mop all of the other spots I had missed.

I didn’t want her to see that I had missed all of these other spots, although I’m sure she already knew that.

I wanted her to think that I only missed one 😂

Can you relate? Is there a story of a similar instance that comes to your mind?

Yesterday, when I was helping my parents clean the house, I heard her exact words again.

The only difference this time was that they were all in my mind.

She was nowhere near me, yet she was still able to have an impact.

“If you are going to do it at all, do the best that you can.”

What are some of the things your parents have instilled in you over the years that have become your principles or core values?

“It’s not a coincidence ... it’s life happening FOR you”

“It’s not a coincidence ... it’s life happening FOR you”.

The other day, I was taking Kaleb for his afternoon walk, as I was reminded of this.

We were making our way up a relatively steep hill, as I noticed an older man walking behind us.

I’ve seen him before.

In fact, he and I cross paths almost every single day.

As we pass each other, we often say, “Good Morning! How are you?”

Then, continue our walks without looking back or thinking much about the exchange.

Well, this time around, I chose to do something different.

Instead of continuing my walk, I chose to stop at the nearby dog 💩 station to pick up a bag for Kaleb’s future presents 😂 

As I stood there, ripping off a bag and putting it in my back pocket, I glanced back to see how far he was.

I didn’t want to be shouting across the neighborhood.

I saw he still had some ground to cover, so I grabbed another bag.

It felt strange, hanging by the dog 💩 station, waiting for him.

Part of me wanted to turn around and walk toward him, but then thought he might think, “What does he want from me?”

Not wanting to set off any alarms, I chose to stay put and wait.

As he had made his way toward me, I asked, “How is your dog doing?”

He responded, “She’s in Arizona with my significant other ... I’ll be going to Flagstaff in a few weeks to see her.”

“What are the chances?” I thought.

I proceeded by saying, “I’ll be going there in a few months to hike the Grand Canyon. Is there anything you’d recommend seeing?”

He mentioned a list of places that were not on my list and concluded with the following, “When you land, send me an email ... If you have the time, I’ll take you all out for lunch.”

As we went our separate ways, I couldn’t help but think of, “it’s not a coincidence ... it’s life happening FOR you.”

Initially, I thought, “What were the chances that he lived in Flagstaff and was going there a week before I was?”

Then, instead of pondering the question, I chose to accept it for what it was.

It was life happening FOR me.

In fact, similar instances have happened like this before.

Much of this “life is happening FOR me” I believe comes from being intentional in the way that I live my life and the people or experiences I’m attracting into my life.

When you hear, “It’s not a coincidence ... it’s life happening FOR you”, what does it make you think of?

"I wish everyone thought like I did"

“I wish everyone thought like I did.”

A few days ago, I was having a conversation with Joshua Koerpel on the Firebuilders.io podcast when this thought came to mind.

I’ve experienced this myself many times.

In fact, I can list numerous situations where I said, “I wish everyone thought like I did,” especially when I didn’t see eye to eye with someone.

I still remember times being caught in the middle of a conflict, trying to win the other person over, make them see my side of the battle and ultimately agree with why I was “right.”

Internally, repeating to myself, “Only if she thought the way that I did or how can she not see what I’m seeing?”

I still do that sometimes, not often.

I try my best to catch myself whenever I’m in a situation and change the course by choosing to be more open minded and understand the other person’s way of seeing the world.

Over the past few years, I’ve realized that there is beauty in seeing different ways of thinking.

In my opinion, seeing an opposing or simply different thought, allows me to have perspective.

It gives me an opportunity to see the other side of the coin.

I am now choosing to acknowledge and embrace this part of my journey.

I no longer try to convince the other person of my point of view, but rather try to understand theirs.

I believe everyone is “right” according to the lens that they’re seeing the world through.

Whether it relates to religion, politics, or whatever other subject one can think of, I don’t believe one lens is any better than the other.

It’s just different.

How do you embrace the fact that not everyone thinks or sees the world like you do?