Focus on the process, not the destination

I’m not ashamed anymore.

I wish it was as easy as saying the words out loud.

A few weeks ago, I began the journey of exploring how curiosity can help overcome my invisibility.

Parts of my identity that I chose to keep invisible, miles beneath the surface.

In places where they could never be found.

I couldn’t predict where this journey would take me, yet I was eager to find out.

I asked, “What do I choose to keep invisible from myself and the rest of the world?”

Then, I got silent.

I allowed space for the answer to reveal itself.

Some people are scared of silence.

I welcome it.

Silence has given me insights into my life that no other activities have.

Silence has been the backbone to my personal growth.

All of this begs a question, “Does curiosity allow the letting go of shame?”

My experience has taught me that it can bring greater awareness to the parts I was once ashamed of.

Critical step in the process.

Reminds me of something a friend of mine once told me, “How can you know what you’re trying to solve if you don’t know the problem to begin with?”

The rest of this has been about getting comfortable with the uncomfortable.

Becoming courageous.

Similar process to what it was like choosing to wear my favorite t-shirt in public.

At first, I questioned how often I should wear it or where I should wear it to.

I wore it once or twice per month.

Only around people closest to me.

People who have already accepted me for who I was.

Then, with a little bit more courage, I wore it multiple times per week.

Eventually, I wore it around people I didn’t know.

This is what my process of accepting the invisible parts of my identity has been like.

Using curiosity to become aware of those parts.

Seeing, hearing and valuing the rediscovered parts of myself.

Being open and vulnerable to the changes such process may bring.

Focusing on the journey, not the destination.

What was your favorite childhood toy?

What was your favorite #childhood toy?

The other day, I watched, “The Pursuit of Happyness.”

There was a scene in the movie where Christopher dropped his favorite toy on the way to the bus stop.

Tears streamed down his face.

I imagined how he must have felt.

A part of him was lost in the middle of the street, seconds away from being crushed by the oncoming traffic.

A part of his childhood he may never get back.

I almost shed a tear myself.

This scene reminded me of my childhood.

My favorite toy.

Nikko Hummer H2 Spycam 🚙

Vroom.

Vroom.

Vroom.

The series of sounds I would make with each turn.

There was something about this car that made feel … alive.

Controlling it gave me a sense of ownership over my life.

I made me feel like I was at the top of the mountain.

Looking back at it, I am very fortunate to have a set of parents who helped fulfill a childhood dream of mine.

This toy impacted me in more ways than I could count.

It gave me everything I needed at the time.

The toy that keeps on giving.

Reminding me to remain a kid and not take life too seriously.

What was your favorite childhood toy?

How do you stay in touch with others?

“You only call me when you need help.”

I was in disbelief when I heard her say this.

“No, I …”

Before I could finish the sentence, I realized there was a lot of truth in what she had said.

Most times, I did only call her when I needed help.

I wanted her to save me from the situation I was in.

I didn’t consider what she might have wanted in our friendship.

The more I thought about this conversation, the more aware I became of all of the other people I only called during an emergency situation.

As hard as it was to hear my friend’s words, it was exactly what I needed.

The type of wake up call that changed the trajectory of my friendships.

Ever since that moment, I’ve called people when I needed absolutely nothing.

I’ve even started conversations with, “I don’t need anything. I just want to chat.”

Some people were struck when they heard me say that.

No agenda.

No need for help.

What is there to talk about?

Life.

Thank you, my friend, for helping me see the importance of keeping in touch with others throughout all parts of the year, not just the rainy days 🙏

Show Up for Others

He believed in me.

He spent countless of hours before and after class teaching me how to speak English.

There were times when I wanted to shred the textbook to pieces.

There were times when things about the English language made no sense.

There were times when I lost belief in myself.

He continued to believe that the best was yet to come.

He showed up everyday with ways to improve the circumstances from the day before.

He showed up everyday with a level of optimism I’ve never seen before.

He showed up everyday when others may have chosen to move on.

Had it not been for people like Rick Hall, I may not be who I am today.

Sometimes, life truly is this simple.

Choosing to believe in other people.

Choosing to show up for them regardless of the circumstances.

It is my hope that you have people who show up for you in your life.

It is my hope that you are someone who shows up for others.

#PeopleNeedPeople #PeopleHelpPeople

How do you know when, “enough is enough”?

I am glad I didn’t travel to all 7 continents.

I was in Peru when the travel bug began to wear off.

29 weeks.

3 continents.

11 countries.

Yesterday, I spoke to a friend of mine in Bolivia 🇧🇴

He asked, “How did you know when enough was enough?”

His question reminded me of a conversation I had with a friend of mine prior to my tour around the 🌎

I remember my friend saying, “You’ll feel it.”

It didn’t make much sense at first.

I wanted something more concrete, tangible.

However, once I experienced it myself, I understood completely what my friend was saying.

I was in Cusco, Peru 🇵🇪 when the feeling came.

“We should go see Machu Picchu!” one of my friends said.

I didn’t respond.

It was the first time in a long time, I showed zero interest.

No desire to see one of the, “Seven Wonders of the World”.

I was missing my parents 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦

I was missing my friends 🫂

I was missing a sense of a routine 🗓

I was missing a hot shower 🚿

I was no longer appreciating the natural beauty around me 🌅

I needed to reconnect to self, to process the thousands of new impressions ✍️

Enough was enough.

It’s Just Information

“It’s just information.”

A few months ago, I was invited by S. Scott Mason to attend a #networking event.

I was able to figure out the “Where,” “What,” “Why” and “How” it was taking place.

The only unanswered question was, “Who” would be there.

I decided to take a chance despite the fear of the unknown.

I reminded myself that in a room where I may not be able to connect with everybody, I was there to connect with somebody.

An hour into the event, I met that somebody.

Christopher Kies.

We connected immediately.

It felt as if we had known each other for years.

We shared one story after another.

Out of all the stories, there’s one that remained in the back of my head.

The story about the bracelet.

The bracelet with “it’s just information” written across it.

A great daily reminder that everything and everyone I am surrounded with is just information.

I get to choose what I #do with that #information.

I get to choose how I #react to that information.

Yesterday, I received my pink bracelet.

Yesterday, I had situations in my life that put the bracelet to work.

With every situation, I looked at the bracelet to remind myself, “It’s just information.”

How do you listen to others?

Are you an active listener?

It has taken me years to learn the difference between listening to understand and listening to respond.

I didn’t think there was one.

Not until I got curious about how I listened to others.

I remember a time when I was on the phone with a close friend of mine.

After a brief overview of our days, she proceeded by telling me a story.

Then, halfway through the conversation she asked, “How would you solve this?”

I froze.

I couldn’t tell a single thing about what she had shared.

I was too focused on creating my own story.

The next New York Times Best Seller.

Prior to that moment, I believed that listening was like playing ping pong 🏓

One person said something.

The other one responded.

It didn’t even have to make sense.

Looking back at it now, I’m surprised by how many conversations I’ve been apart of that follow a similar method.

This onversation with my friend opened my eyes to a completely different world.

It changed the way I converse with others.

It helped me understand the importance of listening for #meaning.

It helped me overcome the temptation of creating my own story while the other person was sharing.

Over the years, I’ve become much better as an #active #listener.

I’ve added more tools to my toolkit to strengthen my active listening skills.

1️⃣ I’ve started to take notes during my conversations. I stopped trusting my ability to remember everything that was said.

2️⃣ I’ve asked relevant questions or made statements that helped clarify what the other person had said.

3️⃣ I’ve intentionally taken the time to pause and reflect before responding. This point has been a tricky one to communicate, as silence is often times perceived as “awkward” or space that needs to be filled immediately. I’ve had to communicate to the other person what and why I was doing it.

How do you listen to others?

What type of information do you listen for?

Was college really worth it?

Was #college really worth it?

The other day, I wrote about what it was like to accept my college diploma, six years post graduation.

The more I looked at the diploma, the more I pondered the questions of, “Was it really worth the investment? Was it really worth the time? Was it really worth the energy?“

The more I asked, the more I discovered.

1. I may not use my degree in its literal form, as a Russian Translator, in my day job; however, if it wasn’t for the classes with Tanya McIntyre, Ph.D., Sue Ellen Wright, Erik Angelone, I may not have ever learned how to effectively understand and communicate with people across different cultures, and how to translate for meaning and not just words. To this day, the principles taught in those classes continue to help me meet a fundamental human need of mine: the desire to understand and to be understood.

2. There hasn’t been a single time throughout my life, outside of organizing events myself or paying thousands of dollars to attend them, when I’ve physically been in the same room as thousands of other people. Thousands of opportunities to meet people who might be able to change the trajectory of my life in an instance. Classrooms at Kent State University offered such opportunities more times than I could count.

3. Had it not been for Craig J. Zamary’s “Introduction to Entrepreneurship” class, I may not have discovered my life’s calling, the desire to help other people overcome their invisibility.

4. Had it not been for weekly meetings on the track field, tossing a frisbee around until sunset, I may not have met some of my lifelong friends. The type of people I can call at any given hour regardless of the circumstances.

5. Had it not been for my desire to explore John S. and Marlene J. Brinzo Center for Entrepreneurship, I may not have met the type of mentor, Mary Heidler, that many wish for.

6. Had the university not been located four hours away, I may not have had the opportunity to create new memories with my parents. The group of people I didn’t have the first 12 years of my life with.

7. Had it not been for Mary Heidler’s suggestion to study abroad, I may not have met an entirely different community of entrepreneurs from all over the world while spending a whole summer in one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever been to, Québec, Canada 🇨🇦

8. Had it not been for the people such as Kate Harmon, Tabitha Messmore, Julie Messing, helping me master my craft as a speaker, I may not have developed the courage to share my story with thousands of strangers from around the world.

9. Had it not been for my desire to explore how curiosity has helped me to overcome the invisibility of being a Kent State University graduate, I may not have discovered all of the benefits and life skills this experience had given me.

For me, attending Kent State University was well worth the investment!

Was college really worth it for you?