Do you find it challenging to show affection in public?

“Do you find it challenging to show affection in public?”

A question I was pondering this morning, as I thought about my own experience.

I remember times when I’d feel embarrassed holding my girlfriend’s hand or kissing her on the cheek in public.

I think much of this feeling or thought came from the sense of being judged.

“What will others think?” was a question that constantly ran through my head.

I’ll be honest, it took me quite some time before I became more comfortable holding her hand or kissing her in public.

Much of that journey started within.

I had to redefine what judgement looked like for me.

“Why do some of us judge when it comes to seeking others show affection in public? Is it because deep down inside we are seeking to do the same thing?”

But, that’s a topic for another conversation.

Back to the story ✍️

Instead of looking at it via the lens of, “What will others think of me?” I approached it via, “Someone else’s opinion of me doesn’t have to become my reality.”

This reminder, alone, helped me tremendously to become more comfortable living in my own skin.

In my opinion, I don’t think it’s fully possible to not seek approval from others or the desire to be liked by others across the board.

However, I do think it’s possible to pick and choose the areas of my life where I am not seeking it.

Showing affection in public has become one of those areas.

It doesn’t mean that the thought of, “What will others think of me?” has gone away completely.

It still creeps into my head from time to time.

The difference now is what do I choose to do next?

For me, I choose to remind myself, “Someone else’s opinion of me doesn’t have to become my reality.”

If you can relate to my experience, do you find it challenging to show affection in public? If so, why?

Do you like the sound of your own voice?

"Do you like the sound of your own voice?”

A topic that I’ve heard many times throughout my life.

I remember times when I’d be speaking with one of my friends and I’d ask her, “How did your presentation go?”

She’d respond with, “... I hate the sound of my voice.”

I asked, “Why?”

She said, “I don’t know. I just don’t like the way I sound.”

It is moments like these that get me curious, “Why does one not like the sound of their voice?”

Does hearing your own voice portray a different version of whom you envision yourself as?

As I thought about my own experience of hearing my self speak, I realized that I don’t choose to distinguish between whether or not I like the sound of my voice.

I’ve accepted my voice as something that I don’t have much control over. 

How I speak is how I speak.

I don’t give it the time or energy to analyze whether I like it or not.

However, I do believe that it is okay not to like something, even it is something that I can’t genuinely change.

All I’m saying is based on my experience, I feel indifferent when it comes to the sound of my own voice.

I don’t choose to like it or dislike it.

As you think about your own experience, “Do you like the sound of your voice? If so, why? If not, why not?”

What are the sacrifices you’re willing to make in order to keep your dream alive?

“What are the sacrifices you’re willing to make in order to keep your dream alive?” 

I remember having a conversation with my Dad one day, as I was beginning my entrepreneurial journey, when he pointed out the importance of making sacrifices in order to keep one’s dream alive.

I’ll be honest, I didn’t fully understand the principles behind his message as well as I do today. 

Back then, and maybe to a degree today, I was stubborn.

I wasn’t as open to other ways of thinking or doing things.

If I had a vision or a plan, I was going to follow it my way.

Coloring outside the lines was not in my Arsenal back then.

Today, learning to adjust, listening to other perspectives, and making sacrifices along the way is an essential component to my journey.

For me, making a sacrifice does not mean completely giving up one thing for another.

It is about finding alternative ways to achieve whatever needs to be done while continuing to build my dream. 

4 years ago, as I was starting Overcoming Odds, one of the first sacrifices I had to make was to find alternative ways to pay my bills.

It was wishful thinking on my end to think that in year 1, I’d be able to support myself financially.

I had to find alternative income streams to support my wishful thinking 😂 

I chose to help business owners with their marketing needs.

This was an area I knew very well.

I was confident in my abilities. 

I didn’t want to do it though. 

I felt that the time invested into helping other business owners with their marketing needs was not contributing toward my larger dream, building Overcoming Odds.

Well, looking back at it all today, it definitely was.

The time I spent helping others was also the time I used to learn about those individuals.

The work itself gave me an opportunity to demonstrate who I am not only as a worker, but as a person.

Am I dependable?

Am I committed?

Am I genuine in my approach to life?

All of these areas enhanced themselves even more through this work.

In addition, some of those people have become some of my closest supporters years later.

As you think about your own journey, I’m curious to hear your thoughts on, “What are the sacrifices you’re willing to make in order to keep your dream alive? What have you learned about yourself from making those sacrifices?”

How do you figure out acceptable boundaries around humor?

“How do you figure out acceptable boundaries around humor?”

The other day, I was texting a friend of mine,  and I made a joke that clearly crossed the line.

How do I know this?

I know this because of the response I received in return.

I sat there for what appeared to be the longest five minutes of my life, thinking, “How could I have offended her?”

For months prior to this conversation taking place, we had used similar jokes and BOTH laughed at them.

But this time around, something changed.

It was in that moment I realized that the boundary may shift depending on where the other person is at in their life.

I believe this to be true because I’ve experienced this myself.

There have been times when I found something funny, yet sometime later due to change in circumstances (loss of a pet, or some other unpredictable event) I no longer found it humorous.

With change being constant in life, I realized that nothing is permanent including how well I might have known someone.

This conversation with a friend of mine was a prime example.

When it comes to figuring out boundaries of what is and isn't acceptable humor, is there a fine line or is it constantly changing?

How do you know if it’s a hard line, one that’s not meant to be crossed again, or a line based on current circumstances, one that may be revisited again once circumstances change?

Why do you choose to correct others?

“Why do you choose to correct others?”

The other day, as I was walking outside, I couldn’t help, but think of this question and my own personal experience with it.

I immediately thought of the times when I would try to correct one of my closest friends often, when she swore or expressed frustration while driving.

“You’re a mother _______ ... Move over a 🕳...”

Only if there was a show for, “How many swear words one says in a minute?” I would know exactly who to nominate 😂

In an attempt to help her become aware of what she was saying and how it was impacting me, I’d say, “language.”

She’d respond with, “I’m sorry.”

The word “language” was an anchor for the need to reflect/change during our conversations.

This was an instance when I was trying to correct her because it was impacting my own language.

It also reminded me of how I used to be on the roads.

I used to use similar words and/or expressions to communicate with other drivers.

After a while, I didn’t want to be that person anymore.

I developed greater compassion for fellow drivers.

I realized that the “slow” driver may not be in a rush to go anywhere and is simply enjoying the drive time in the car.

I realized that those zooming by me in the fast lane may be experiencing an emergency situation such as the birth of a child.

The more I reflect upon every situation, the more I begin to realize that I am one of those drivers on any given day.

Now, there are also times when I don’t choose to correct others.

The other day, I was having a conversation with a friend of mine during which she said, “vent” instead of “flue” as we were talking about a fireplace.

I chose not to correct her because I understood what she was saying.

At what point do you choose to correct others? Why?

Are there times when you choose NOT to correct others? Why?

"I didn’t know what it could be”

"I didn’t know what it could be.”

I remember when I was first starting Overcoming Odds, one of the first challenges I faced was not knowing which legal structure to choose.

I’d look at the IRS website with all of the possible structures and think to myself, “It could be this ... it could also be that.” 

It was as if I was sitting at my favorite restaurant with the whole table being covered with my favorite desserts and repeating, “I’ll have some of this and some of that ... Oh, and this one, please” 😂  

I felt unsure because I didn’t know what this space that I was creating could be.

Let’s face it, at the very beginning it was just a “blog” for people to share their experiences.

It wasn’t until a year or so down the road, that it turned into a podcast for others to share and learn from their stories, and weekly conversations about topics most relevant to one’s life, and events where people gathered together to learn from each other’s experiences of overcoming challenging circumstances within their lives. 

I felt pressured to choose and to choose quickly. 

The outside chatter kept repeating, “it’s a non-profit”, yet the inside voice kept whispering to wait and see. 

I chose to wait.

I chose to wait because that’s what my previous experiences of forming legal structures around concepts that weren’t even businesses yet had taught me.

I remember times of registering a “concept” or an idea as a business, without a solid plan for revenue generating or understanding main operations, and being faced with fees at the end of the year for conducting a business that didn’t end up opening.

I didn’t want to repeat the same experience. 

That’s why I waited however long it had to be.

Today, I am confident in the fact that I made the best possible decision with the information that was available, and now I am asking aspiring entrepreneurs to think before you create a legal business. 

Do your research and see if anyone will pay for your service before incorporating it into a non-profit, LLC, S Corp, etc.

There are times when you, ONLY YOU, know what the right path is moving forward.

So, I encourage you to follow your gut, even if nobody else around you understands your decision.

Also, remember, even if that thing doesn’t turn into what you envisioned, you can still learn from the experience.

In a way, it’s a WIN-WIN scenario. 

Be you.

Be bold.

“Just because you can’t see it, it doesn’t mean it’s not being impacted”

“Just because you can’t see it, it doesn’t mean it’s not being impacted.”

This morning, I was having a conversation with members of our #BNI group, and a friend of mine said those words.

My posture was the first thing I thought of after hearing his words.

This is an area that I’ve been actively working on for many years.

Relationship Status: It’s Complicated 😂 (to say the least)

Over the past few years, I’ve become a lot more aware of it, yet it has still been a challenge for me to maintain good posture every single minute of the day.

I still remember the days when my Mom would ask me to fix my posture at the dinner table or a business colleague sharing with me how good posture portrays confidence.

In complete honesty, I just haven’t made enough of a conscious effort to prioritize it as an area to focus on and improve.

A conversation with LaChelle Adkins immediately came to mind during which she said, “Whatever I value, I prioritize.”

Part of the reason, for me, why I haven’t made enough of an effort to start to fix my posture is because I don’t value it enough to start.

I don’t need to need to know the whole HOW, I just need to know where to START.

For those who have been actively working on their posture, where would you invite one to start in order to improve it and change the relationship status from “It’s Complicated” to “In A Healthy Relationship?"

What is my dog thinking about?

"What is my dog thinking about?” 

The question I was thinking this morning, as Kaleb was taking me on a walk to show me the hidden wonders of the world. 

Every time he stopped somewhere, whether it was a tree to pee on or a nicely trimmed lawn to 💩 on, I couldn’t help but ask, “What is he thinking about? What makes him pee on this tree and not the one standing next to it?”

I may never know the answers to those questions as our language is not at the point where I can easily understand his responses to my questions.

However, it is choosing to ask such questions or rather creating a place of curiosity that has changed my relationship with him completely.

It all took place roughly a year ago.

I used to be restless or in a hurry when we’d be walking together.

Always telling him, “Let’s go” as he’d take what appeared all of the time in the world sniffing a particular object.

Now, I get curious when he and I go on a walk.

I ponder quite often what he thinks of, how he sees the world, what it would be like if I was allowed to go to the bathroom a handful of times a day.

I’ve developed more appreciation for his existence and how he lives his life.

I’ve become a lot less controlling or bothered by the simple act of him choosing to explore. 

Thank you Kaleb for showing me the wonders of your world and allowing me to explore in it 🙏