How do you embrace your own culture?

“I felt embarrassed ...”

Yesterday, I was having a conversation with a group of friends during which one of them mentioned how at times he felt embarrassed or ashamed to speak his native tongue.

It made me think of the times when I felt the same type of shame or embarrassment when it came to speaking Russian in public, especially in places where I felt I wouldn’t be understood.

In fact, I remember when I was younger, all the way through college, I would avoid many aspects of my Russian culture in order to fit into American culture.

I avoided speaking Russian as much as possible, eating certain types of food even though I craved many of the meals, or mentioning anything related to my native culture. 

Part of the reason why I did this was because I assumed I wouldn’t be understood.

Fitting in meant following the pattern of everyone else whether it was behaving in a certain way, dressing a certain way so as not to draw any additional attention to yourself.

The past few years, I started to embrace my Russian culture more.

I re-developed my interest in Russian food and even speaking the language from time to time.

The difference this time around is I no longer put the same value on the desire to fit in.

Today, I understand that if I don’t find a sense of belonging in one group, it’s not the end of the road.

I simply get up and try again elsewhere.

I am no longer ashamed by the fact that when I speak Russian to someone, they may not fully understand what I’m saying.

I am who I am and I’m proud of that.

I am a Russian/American citizen.

As you think about your own experience, “How do you embrace your own culture?”

“I was so focused on asking great questions that I missed all of the answers ...”

“I was so focused on asking great questions that I missed all of the answers ...”

This morning, as I was having a conversation with a friend of mine this topic was brought up.

As she shared her own journey of interviewing others, I began to think about my own.

I started to think about my journey as a podcaster, especially the first 50 or so episodes where I relied heavily on structured, sample questions to facilitate the conversations.

To date, I still remember the challenges of that particular approach.

I’d be sitting there, halfway across the room or across the world via Zoom, trying to listen to the other person, while thinking of when to ask the next question.

My anxiety was through the roof, as I’d glance back to the printer sheet of questions that I had taken off my printer prior to the interview.

It was a challenge to genuinely listen to what the other person was saying. 

My mind was too occupied with what to ask next.

Not to mention, depending on how the interview was happening, in person or via Zoom, video or no video, or the communication style of the person I am having a conversation with, it added even more challenges. 

It wasn’t until many more episodes later that I was able to abandon the script and ask questions as they came.

The process became a lot easier, yet there was still tension I was experiencing.

The tension came due to the fact that I was asking questions one way during podcasts, but still using scripts in other areas of life.

This is when I had to abandon the script across the board ... in introductory conversations with other people ... how I viewed life ... 

It was much more than simply switching a switch to a new way of doing things.

It was an everyday practice that I had to develop.

I remember in situations where I thought certain things had to be in a particular way, I began to ask myself, “Why does it have to be this one way? Why can’t it be any other way? Who says it has to be this way?”

Today, as I reflect on my journey, I had to have the experiences that I did in order to be where I am.

I had to ask scripted questions in order to understand my own style as well as what can be done differently.

As you’re starting your journey in whatever area it may be, I invite you to look at your whole Picasso painting in pieces.

Don’t try to complete the whole picture all at once.

Pick one piece and develop greater confidence with it or as some might say, “mastery”.

If it’s learning how to be a better listener, practice asking questions as they come.

Do it until it becomes a natural process.

Then, go on to the next phase of learning. It is all a process.

"Anything mentionable is manageable"

"Anything mentionable is manageable.” 

I was watching, “A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood” when I first heard Tom Hanks repeat this phrase.

I had heard about the film previously from my family but hadn't had the opportunity to see it myself. 

As I scrolled through the available titles, “A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood” popped up.

My brother’s voice appeared simultaneously, in my head. 

I remember it as if it was yesterday even though months had passed.

“What is time?” I thought. 

Typically, I’d watch the preview before making my decision whether or not I would watch the film, but this time around, I didn’t.

I chose to take a chance without having an agenda or set of expectations. 

I chose to show up for the moment.

Throughout the two hours, I cried ... I laughed ... I acknowledge my feelings out loud, “ anger, sadness, peace” ... I thought about certain people in my life and the type of relationships I wanted to have with them ... I thought about my own relationship with life and what it means to be alive ... I thought about the moments when I had a difficult time accepting someone else’s way of being such as farting while sitting next to me ... I thought about the last moments I spent with my late uncle. 

The more I thought about all of these things, the more I kept coming back to Tom Hanks’ line, “anything mentionable is manageable.”

“That is so profound,” I thought to myself.

So much of the current chapter in my life has been about asking myself, “What is my perception? How do I choose to see things?" 

Thank you “A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood” for giving me the opportunity to reflect and become even more aware of how I experience life.

As you hear, “anything mentionable is manageable,” what does it make you think of?

---

Oleg Lougheed is the host of the Overcoming Odds Podcast, where you get a glimpse into the stories of individuals who have overcome adversity, suffering, and struggle in achieving their personal success.

Are there certain things in your relationship that you choose not to share because you want to avoid conflict?

“Are there certain things in your relationship that you choose not to share because you want to avoid conflict?”

As I thought about this question, I thought about many of the times when I shared a living space with someone and I chose not to speak up.

I chose not to discuss my discomfort with certain things such as the kitchen looking like a scene from Jurassic Park, all due to wanting to avoid conflict.

In fact, I remember one year when I shared an apartment with a friend of mine.

At first, when I noticed dirty dishes in the sink, I cleaned them myself. Followed by a phone call to one of my friends, expressing to him or her my frustration.

Then, after a while, I started to point it out to my roommate and would ask if he would clean after himself.

He did, but only in the moments when I was around.

If I was gone for an extended period of time such as a week, upon returning home, I’d see the same exact thing, the never ending scene from Jurassic Park.

The only thing that was missing was some Triceratops to eat the leftovers 😂.

This situation was a prime example of this being my problem and me wanting to change the other person’s behavior.

Both, as time has taught me, challenging acts to accomplish.

Life lesson # 1 billion, by now 😂 : Whatever is a problem to me, may not be a problem to someone else.

How did I solve this?

I moved.

As I reflect upon this whole experience, here’s what I learned: (1) Whatever appears to be a problem for me may not be a problem for you, (2) Tension, if handled with care could actually create more depth in a relationship, (3) Much of maintaining a successful relationship depends on effective and consistent cooperation from all parties.

As you think about your own experience, “Are there certain things in your relationship that you choose not to share because you want to avoid conflict?”

Do you feel obligated to do certain things such as clean the house, etc. when you have company coming over?

“Do you feel obligated to do certain things such as clean the house, etc. when you have company coming over?”

A few hours ago, I was having a conversation with Nicole Ash, and this topic was brought up.

As she shared her own experience of cleaning the house moments before company arrives, even though she might have already cleaned it a few days before or will have to clean again after the company leaves, I couldn’t help but think of the things I do before I have company over. 

I, too, clean the house pretty extensively.

I vacuum not once, but twice sometimes.

I scrub every surface in the house including those that I don’t even see myself ... EVER 😂 

Seriously, how often does a guest look inside the balcony closet?

The more I think about it, the more I begin to realize that I clean not necessarily due to an obligation, but rather I believe it’s a reflection of who I believe I am at the core.

Cleanliness to me represents a sense of structure or organization.

That sense of organization then transforms into other activities I engage in over the course of the day. 

How I form thoughts, interact with people, look at my day, etc.

The act of cleaning has also become my form of therapy.

It has created a time and a space for me to focus solely on the task at hand without the interruption of the thousands of other thoughts.

Now, I have also noticed (slight tangent, so please stay with me) as I was reflecting on the cleaning process and realize that depending on the guest, determines the way I clean.

Some with whom I have a great degree of trust, I feel comfortable with simply picking up around the house rather than scrubbing each surface.

But, that’s a topic for another conversation.

As you think about the different things that you do prior to having company, why do you do them? What do those activities say about who you are if anything?

What are the challenges of staying consistent?

“What are the challenges of staying consistent?”

I’ve recently set a new goal for myself, to be able to document my journey on a daily basis.

No specific length, simply an exercise for me to learn from my experience on this planet.

What I’m learning from my interactions with others, how I am processing life, etc.

A few weeks into the new routine, I’ve hit a roadblock.

Nothing too extreme, but significant enough to set me off course.

Over a week ago, I went back home for the holidays to visit my parents and spend some time with them.

During that time, I tried my best to maintain the momentum gained while starting this new routine in Austin.

But, it was becoming increasingly more difficult to do so.

Part of the reason why I believe I’ve experienced this is due to the change in the environment.

At first, I had thought that all of these limitations were all due to a story I told myself.

Now, maybe there’s a grain of truth to those limitations, but I also think there’s truth to the fact that it is a new environment.

In Austin, I was able to “control”, to a degree, my environment.

Over the years of living there, I have learned different ways to create my creative space.

I understand the importance of being in a quiet space with no one else, but, “Me, myself and I.”

I have found specific spots where creative thought flows through me without even thinking about it twice, oftentimes either sitting at the kitchen table or laying down on the couch.

I now understand that with every new transition, there may come a set of new changes or challenges to work through.

Based on your experience, “what have been some of your challenges in staying consistent?”

When you look at your past self, what do you see?

“When you look at your past self, what do you see?”

The other day, I was helping my Dad in the basement of the house where I grew up.

We were moving a set of boxes, and I noticed a drawing on the ping pong table.

“What’s that?” I asked internally.

I carefully set down the boxes and turned toward the ping pong table.

It was a drawing of a pug that I made when I was in 6th grade.

My initial reaction, I couldn’t help but smile when I first saw it.

It took me down a memory lane of all of the times when I would lay on the floor of the living room and draw for hours upon hours.

As I picked up the stack of papers, I also noticed there were other drawings along with a collage that I made around the same time.

If I remember correctly, I believe it was a school assignment where I had to make a collage of how I saw our family.

If you had to make a collage answering, “how do you see your family?”, what would be on it?

As I looked at it more closely, I noticed I saw what appeared to be my “brother” with his face stuffed full of pizza, my parents in the top left corner smiling, an F-150 with a sack of money in the back with an aspiration written under it, “I want to be a race car driver”, and underneath it all a set of hobbies including playing basketball with my brother, watching football and playing my game boy.

I smiled, one of pure joy, as I put the collage back down on the ping pong table.

Even though I may be a different person today with a different perspective of family and life, at the core I believe some things remained the same.

I still find joy in watching football every Saturday and Sunday.

I would still like to pick a game boy and play “FIFA 08”.

When I look at my past today, especially this collage, I see a direct reflection of a kid who stayed curious about life and saw people in their best possible light.

When you look at your post self, what do you see?

How do you define what you do for a living in a way that would stimulate someone’s curiosity or prompt them to connect?

Summer Watson recently asked, “How do you define what you do for a living in a way that would stimulate someone’s curiosity or prompt them to connect?”

As a way to continue my Harry Potterish length series on, “How does ANYONE understand what you do for a living?” 😂, I chose to accept Summer’s challenge and pull out the magic that life has to offer.

As I sat on my 🛋 and thought about Summer’s question, I couldn’t help but ask myself, “What interests me about what I do? What peaks my curiosity?”

And down the rabbit 🕳 I went.

For me, what interests me about what I do for a living is the continued pursuit in wanting to learn about how others and myself included experience life.

It is about losing track of time (those who have spoken to me will understand 😂) and doing a deep dive into: What does it mean to be alive? What makes you feel alive? Is life happening for you or to you or a combination of the two or neither?

It is about an overwhelming feeling of excitement I experience in seeing someone else’s eyes light up when they learn something new about themselves or life around them. It makes me feel that I am not alone in being amazed by the beauty of being alive.

It is about creating a space where I can shift my own perspectives by listening to someone else’s perspectives. It is there and then I understand that the way I see the world is only A way not THE way.

As you think about your experience, “How do you define what you do for a living in a way that would stimulate someone’s curiosity or prompt them to connect?”