What are the things you’re searching for?
“Our search is not for the thing, but the feeling that thing gives us.”
The other day, I caught up with an old friend of mine.
It has been years since we last saw each other, yet it felt as if no time had passed.
We shared one story after another.
The places we’ve been to.
The jobs we’ve had.
The people we’ve met.
Halfway through our conversation, he said something that still hasn’t escaped my mind.
“Our search is not for the thing, but the feeling that thing gives us.”
I looked at the burger in front of me.
Then, the iPhone.
Then, my clothes.
I thought, “He couldn’t be more right.”
I wasn’t searching for these items individually, rather the feeling those things could give me.
The feeling of not being hungry.
The feeling of being connected.
The feeling of being warm.
What are the things you’re searching for? What do you hope to feel when you find those things?
How are you making others feel valued and seen?
“Good morning, Boss!”
The other day, a friend of mine had said these words as he was talking to the Uber driver.
It wasn’t the first time I heard these words after my arrival to Ghana.
However, it was the first time these words peaked my interest.
I asked, “Why do people call others ‘boss’, especially when the person is not their boss?”
He responded, “It is meant to make others feel important or valued …”
Regardless of the role, whether it was the person checking our entry tickets at the Asenema Waterfalls, countless of Uber drivers or someone who is making your food, people call others “Boss, King, Director … the list goes on.”
All titles having one common denominator: to make others feel valued and seen.
How are you making others feel valued and seen?
What do you look forward to the most during the holiday season?
It has been many years since I was away from home on Christmas Eve.
Christmas is the one holiday I look forward to the most, year after year.
There is something magical about it.
I feel more hopeful than any other day.
I feel more connected to self and those around me.
I feel a deep sense of appreciation for how far I have come.
This year, I had the privilege of spending it with a friend of mine and his family.
Thousands of miles away.
In a country I’ve never been to before.
I was curious to see how such time would be received.
Everyday leading up to Christmas Eve, one of the kids would scream, “Ho ho ho!”
He’d stand at the bottom of the stairs, repeating it until someone else would say, “Ho ho ho” back to him.
I couldn’t help, but smile every time I heard him.
Tears of joy would build up in the front of my eyes.
He helped me reconnect to my inner child.
The times when I’d do similar things and could care less how I’d be perceived to the outside world.
The times of pure happiness.
Christmas Eve brought a whole other set of memories.
Seeing the excitement in kids’ eyes as they followed Santa’s tracks from the chimney to the Christmas tree was an experience money couldn’t buy.
It reminded me of the times I’d sit in my room, waiting anxiously for what I’d find under the Christmas tree the following morning.
Although, gift giving has evolved for me over the years, it still brings back memories.
This year, Christmas was different AND beautiful!!!
All due to my friend’s generosity of opening a door to what was once stranger to now a friend 🙏
Do you like to travel alone?
“Do you like to travel alone?”
The other day, my friend asked me such question.
I replied, “It depends on the set of circumstances.”
I’ve struck conversations with people I may or may not have if I was traveling with somebody else.
I’ve had lunch at restaurants, by myself, to live out of my comfort zone.
I’ve taken public transport for hours, without a single person who spoke English.
All of these experiences along with thousands of others made traveling alone enjoyable.
I’ve also faced many challenges while traveling alone.
Some of them I may or may not have faced while traveling with others.
I’ve been denied entry to places due to my COVID card being seen as illegitimate.
I don’t blame the person.
After all, the two handwritten initials next to the name of the vaccine could have been written by anyone including my dog if he had an opposable thumb 😂
My sense of safety and comfort have been shattered.
While traveling with friends, at least I could turn to one of them when things weren’t going according to the plan.
While traveling alone, the only one I could turn to is, “Me, Myself, and I.”
This experience in particular made me even more appreciative of the comfort and stability that comes with simply having a home or someone to turn to.
Do I like to travel alone?
It depends on the set of circumstances.
👉 Do you like to travel alone?
“We all make mistakes and we all have to pay for them sooner or later”
“We all make mistakes and we all have to pay for them sooner or later.”
The other day, I ran into a street performer on my way to see the Acropolis🏛
“Where are you from?” said Dimitry.
I replied, “Austin, Texas.”
“Come here, sit down next to me.”
He picked up his instrument and started to play, “The Star-Spangled Banner.”
I was impressed by his performance 👏
As the music stopped, I asked, “How did you get to where you are?”
“Due to a mistake I made when I was young.”
It turns out that his car insurance had expired three days prior to an accident taking place.
Four people were killed.
He survived.
He said, “I didn’t have to go to jail at the time, but I did have to pay major fines. Fines, I am still paying today.”
The more he shared, the more I was reminded of a time when I drove without car insurance.
“I’m a good driver. I will be okay without it,” I used to think.
However, the reality proved otherwise.
As Penny Glass once told me, “It’s not a matter of ‘if’ it happens, it is a matter of ‘when’ when it happens.”
Luckily, I haven’t been in any major accidents in the recent years.
But, I have had to use my car insurance from time to time.
In fact, I don’t know of a single driver who hasn’t benefited from having insurance.
Nearly, 40 years later, Dimitry is still paying for a mistake he had made long ago.
He concluded by saying, “Learn from my experience … We all make mistakes and we all have to pay for them sooner or later.”
Is it worth fighting for?
“Is it worth fighting for?”
One of the hardest relationship questions I’ve had to answer.
Why?
For me, there was rarely a clear cut answer.
I remember times after arguments with my significant other, sitting around the kitchen table, boiling with anger and confusion about the situation, pondering, “Is it worth fighting for?”
I’d proceed by asking, “What is the IT?”
One question led to another.
Is IT the relationship itself?
Is IT the other person?
Is IT how I feel being in the relationship?
In some relationships, I was able to find an answer after further examination.
In others, I’d leave the situation with, “I don’t know”, which has been one of the more difficult answers to accept.
In fact, it took me years to accept the true meaning of “I don’t know.”
Previously, whenever I was left with, “I don’t know” I would interpret the situation as, “No.”
Over the years, I’ve learned that “I don’t know” doesn’t necessarily mean “Yes” or “No.”
It is simply, “I don’t know.”
What all of these situations have taught me is the importance of being intentional with my actions.
Taking the time to truly understand the relationship.
Why am I getting into this relationship?
Why do I feel connected to this person?
How do I feel while being in this relationship?
I am not stating that every situation should have a straightforward answer.
Some answers may take, as they have for me, months or years to reveal themselves.
However, in being able to identify elements of IT, it has helped me make a decision moving forward.
What does, “Is it worth fighting for?” mean to you?
What is the “it” for you?
What role does humor play in your life, especially during adverse circumstances?
“Should I add more wood to the fire?” I asked.
She responded, “Yes, please!”
I grabbed a log from the near by basket and made my way toward the chimney.
Memories of sitting by the fire with my family quickly ran through my mind.
As I approached the chimney, I froze.
“How do I add the wood?”
There were three levers.
First for the opening and closing of the flue.
Second for the bottom vent to circulate the air.
Third for the main door.
I’m sharing all of this with you after the fact, as in the moment I didn’t know the function of the 1st and 2nd levers.
Let me rephrase that, I was given the instructions, but I forgot them 😂.
To make matters even more complicated, both 1st and 2nd levers had to be facing in the opposite direction.
I proceeded with what I believed to be the way to do this.
I opened the chimney door, not knowing what to expect.
“Whoop”.
A cloud of smoke came out and began making its way up the chimney, followed by the ceiling.
My friend said, “it’ll be fine.”
I had other thoughts.
I immediately rushed to open the back door to avoid what I felt was inevitable.
“Beep, beep, beep.”
Part of me felt embarrassed.
The other part found it quite humorous.
I jumped onto the couch and began unscrewing the smoke detector, as there wasn’t any obvious way to turn it off.
My friend rushed toward the main switch board, which looked exactly like one used by DJs expect in a foreign language 😂.
Moments later, the second 🚨 went off.
This one was much louder.
There was no way anybody was sleeping thru it.
I couldn’t help, but laugh at the whole situation.
As other residents came down the stairs, I decided to proceed with what I do best.
Use my sense of humor to diffuse the situation.
“Nice to meet you all. I guess we were going to meet one way or another.”
They all laughed.
I felt relieved seeing smiles on their faces.
Minutes later, the host came and turned off the alarm.
We shared all of our thoughts with her as all of this was happening.
“What if the fire department comes? How do we explain all of this to them in a language we don’t understand?”
I felt as if this moment brought all of us closer.
It took down walls that may have been there before.
It made us more compassionate toward each other.
It created a memory that I hope to never forget.
What role does humor play in your life, especially during adverse circumstances?