"I didn’t know what it could be”

"I didn’t know what it could be.”

I remember when I was first starting Overcoming Odds, one of the first challenges I faced was not knowing which legal structure to choose.

I’d look at the IRS website with all of the possible structures and think to myself, “It could be this ... it could also be that.” 

It was as if I was sitting at my favorite restaurant with the whole table being covered with my favorite desserts and repeating, “I’ll have some of this and some of that ... Oh, and this one, please” 😂  

I felt unsure because I didn’t know what this space that I was creating could be.

Let’s face it, at the very beginning it was just a “blog” for people to share their experiences.

It wasn’t until a year or so down the road, that it turned into a podcast for others to share and learn from their stories, and weekly conversations about topics most relevant to one’s life, and events where people gathered together to learn from each other’s experiences of overcoming challenging circumstances within their lives. 

I felt pressured to choose and to choose quickly. 

The outside chatter kept repeating, “it’s a non-profit”, yet the inside voice kept whispering to wait and see. 

I chose to wait.

I chose to wait because that’s what my previous experiences of forming legal structures around concepts that weren’t even businesses yet had taught me.

I remember times of registering a “concept” or an idea as a business, without a solid plan for revenue generating or understanding main operations, and being faced with fees at the end of the year for conducting a business that didn’t end up opening.

I didn’t want to repeat the same experience. 

That’s why I waited however long it had to be.

Today, I am confident in the fact that I made the best possible decision with the information that was available, and now I am asking aspiring entrepreneurs to think before you create a legal business. 

Do your research and see if anyone will pay for your service before incorporating it into a non-profit, LLC, S Corp, etc.

There are times when you, ONLY YOU, know what the right path is moving forward.

So, I encourage you to follow your gut, even if nobody else around you understands your decision.

Also, remember, even if that thing doesn’t turn into what you envisioned, you can still learn from the experience.

In a way, it’s a WIN-WIN scenario. 

Be you.

Be bold.

“Just because you can’t see it, it doesn’t mean it’s not being impacted”

“Just because you can’t see it, it doesn’t mean it’s not being impacted.”

This morning, I was having a conversation with members of our #BNI group, and a friend of mine said those words.

My posture was the first thing I thought of after hearing his words.

This is an area that I’ve been actively working on for many years.

Relationship Status: It’s Complicated 😂 (to say the least)

Over the past few years, I’ve become a lot more aware of it, yet it has still been a challenge for me to maintain good posture every single minute of the day.

I still remember the days when my Mom would ask me to fix my posture at the dinner table or a business colleague sharing with me how good posture portrays confidence.

In complete honesty, I just haven’t made enough of a conscious effort to prioritize it as an area to focus on and improve.

A conversation with LaChelle Adkins immediately came to mind during which she said, “Whatever I value, I prioritize.”

Part of the reason, for me, why I haven’t made enough of an effort to start to fix my posture is because I don’t value it enough to start.

I don’t need to need to know the whole HOW, I just need to know where to START.

For those who have been actively working on their posture, where would you invite one to start in order to improve it and change the relationship status from “It’s Complicated” to “In A Healthy Relationship?"

What is my dog thinking about?

"What is my dog thinking about?” 

The question I was thinking this morning, as Kaleb was taking me on a walk to show me the hidden wonders of the world. 

Every time he stopped somewhere, whether it was a tree to pee on or a nicely trimmed lawn to 💩 on, I couldn’t help but ask, “What is he thinking about? What makes him pee on this tree and not the one standing next to it?”

I may never know the answers to those questions as our language is not at the point where I can easily understand his responses to my questions.

However, it is choosing to ask such questions or rather creating a place of curiosity that has changed my relationship with him completely.

It all took place roughly a year ago.

I used to be restless or in a hurry when we’d be walking together.

Always telling him, “Let’s go” as he’d take what appeared all of the time in the world sniffing a particular object.

Now, I get curious when he and I go on a walk.

I ponder quite often what he thinks of, how he sees the world, what it would be like if I was allowed to go to the bathroom a handful of times a day.

I’ve developed more appreciation for his existence and how he lives his life.

I’ve become a lot less controlling or bothered by the simple act of him choosing to explore. 

Thank you Kaleb for showing me the wonders of your world and allowing me to explore in it 🙏

How do you embrace your own culture?

“I felt embarrassed ...”

Yesterday, I was having a conversation with a group of friends during which one of them mentioned how at times he felt embarrassed or ashamed to speak his native tongue.

It made me think of the times when I felt the same type of shame or embarrassment when it came to speaking Russian in public, especially in places where I felt I wouldn’t be understood.

In fact, I remember when I was younger, all the way through college, I would avoid many aspects of my Russian culture in order to fit into American culture.

I avoided speaking Russian as much as possible, eating certain types of food even though I craved many of the meals, or mentioning anything related to my native culture. 

Part of the reason why I did this was because I assumed I wouldn’t be understood.

Fitting in meant following the pattern of everyone else whether it was behaving in a certain way, dressing a certain way so as not to draw any additional attention to yourself.

The past few years, I started to embrace my Russian culture more.

I re-developed my interest in Russian food and even speaking the language from time to time.

The difference this time around is I no longer put the same value on the desire to fit in.

Today, I understand that if I don’t find a sense of belonging in one group, it’s not the end of the road.

I simply get up and try again elsewhere.

I am no longer ashamed by the fact that when I speak Russian to someone, they may not fully understand what I’m saying.

I am who I am and I’m proud of that.

I am a Russian/American citizen.

As you think about your own experience, “How do you embrace your own culture?”

“I was so focused on asking great questions that I missed all of the answers ...”

“I was so focused on asking great questions that I missed all of the answers ...”

This morning, as I was having a conversation with a friend of mine this topic was brought up.

As she shared her own journey of interviewing others, I began to think about my own.

I started to think about my journey as a podcaster, especially the first 50 or so episodes where I relied heavily on structured, sample questions to facilitate the conversations.

To date, I still remember the challenges of that particular approach.

I’d be sitting there, halfway across the room or across the world via Zoom, trying to listen to the other person, while thinking of when to ask the next question.

My anxiety was through the roof, as I’d glance back to the printer sheet of questions that I had taken off my printer prior to the interview.

It was a challenge to genuinely listen to what the other person was saying. 

My mind was too occupied with what to ask next.

Not to mention, depending on how the interview was happening, in person or via Zoom, video or no video, or the communication style of the person I am having a conversation with, it added even more challenges. 

It wasn’t until many more episodes later that I was able to abandon the script and ask questions as they came.

The process became a lot easier, yet there was still tension I was experiencing.

The tension came due to the fact that I was asking questions one way during podcasts, but still using scripts in other areas of life.

This is when I had to abandon the script across the board ... in introductory conversations with other people ... how I viewed life ... 

It was much more than simply switching a switch to a new way of doing things.

It was an everyday practice that I had to develop.

I remember in situations where I thought certain things had to be in a particular way, I began to ask myself, “Why does it have to be this one way? Why can’t it be any other way? Who says it has to be this way?”

Today, as I reflect on my journey, I had to have the experiences that I did in order to be where I am.

I had to ask scripted questions in order to understand my own style as well as what can be done differently.

As you’re starting your journey in whatever area it may be, I invite you to look at your whole Picasso painting in pieces.

Don’t try to complete the whole picture all at once.

Pick one piece and develop greater confidence with it or as some might say, “mastery”.

If it’s learning how to be a better listener, practice asking questions as they come.

Do it until it becomes a natural process.

Then, go on to the next phase of learning. It is all a process.

"Anything mentionable is manageable"

"Anything mentionable is manageable.” 

I was watching, “A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood” when I first heard Tom Hanks repeat this phrase.

I had heard about the film previously from my family but hadn't had the opportunity to see it myself. 

As I scrolled through the available titles, “A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood” popped up.

My brother’s voice appeared simultaneously, in my head. 

I remember it as if it was yesterday even though months had passed.

“What is time?” I thought. 

Typically, I’d watch the preview before making my decision whether or not I would watch the film, but this time around, I didn’t.

I chose to take a chance without having an agenda or set of expectations. 

I chose to show up for the moment.

Throughout the two hours, I cried ... I laughed ... I acknowledge my feelings out loud, “ anger, sadness, peace” ... I thought about certain people in my life and the type of relationships I wanted to have with them ... I thought about my own relationship with life and what it means to be alive ... I thought about the moments when I had a difficult time accepting someone else’s way of being such as farting while sitting next to me ... I thought about the last moments I spent with my late uncle. 

The more I thought about all of these things, the more I kept coming back to Tom Hanks’ line, “anything mentionable is manageable.”

“That is so profound,” I thought to myself.

So much of the current chapter in my life has been about asking myself, “What is my perception? How do I choose to see things?" 

Thank you “A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood” for giving me the opportunity to reflect and become even more aware of how I experience life.

As you hear, “anything mentionable is manageable,” what does it make you think of?

---

Oleg Lougheed is the host of the Overcoming Odds Podcast, where you get a glimpse into the stories of individuals who have overcome adversity, suffering, and struggle in achieving their personal success.

Are there certain things in your relationship that you choose not to share because you want to avoid conflict?

“Are there certain things in your relationship that you choose not to share because you want to avoid conflict?”

As I thought about this question, I thought about many of the times when I shared a living space with someone and I chose not to speak up.

I chose not to discuss my discomfort with certain things such as the kitchen looking like a scene from Jurassic Park, all due to wanting to avoid conflict.

In fact, I remember one year when I shared an apartment with a friend of mine.

At first, when I noticed dirty dishes in the sink, I cleaned them myself. Followed by a phone call to one of my friends, expressing to him or her my frustration.

Then, after a while, I started to point it out to my roommate and would ask if he would clean after himself.

He did, but only in the moments when I was around.

If I was gone for an extended period of time such as a week, upon returning home, I’d see the same exact thing, the never ending scene from Jurassic Park.

The only thing that was missing was some Triceratops to eat the leftovers 😂.

This situation was a prime example of this being my problem and me wanting to change the other person’s behavior.

Both, as time has taught me, challenging acts to accomplish.

Life lesson # 1 billion, by now 😂 : Whatever is a problem to me, may not be a problem to someone else.

How did I solve this?

I moved.

As I reflect upon this whole experience, here’s what I learned: (1) Whatever appears to be a problem for me may not be a problem for you, (2) Tension, if handled with care could actually create more depth in a relationship, (3) Much of maintaining a successful relationship depends on effective and consistent cooperation from all parties.

As you think about your own experience, “Are there certain things in your relationship that you choose not to share because you want to avoid conflict?”

Do you feel obligated to do certain things such as clean the house, etc. when you have company coming over?

“Do you feel obligated to do certain things such as clean the house, etc. when you have company coming over?”

A few hours ago, I was having a conversation with Nicole Ash, and this topic was brought up.

As she shared her own experience of cleaning the house moments before company arrives, even though she might have already cleaned it a few days before or will have to clean again after the company leaves, I couldn’t help but think of the things I do before I have company over. 

I, too, clean the house pretty extensively.

I vacuum not once, but twice sometimes.

I scrub every surface in the house including those that I don’t even see myself ... EVER 😂 

Seriously, how often does a guest look inside the balcony closet?

The more I think about it, the more I begin to realize that I clean not necessarily due to an obligation, but rather I believe it’s a reflection of who I believe I am at the core.

Cleanliness to me represents a sense of structure or organization.

That sense of organization then transforms into other activities I engage in over the course of the day. 

How I form thoughts, interact with people, look at my day, etc.

The act of cleaning has also become my form of therapy.

It has created a time and a space for me to focus solely on the task at hand without the interruption of the thousands of other thoughts.

Now, I have also noticed (slight tangent, so please stay with me) as I was reflecting on the cleaning process and realize that depending on the guest, determines the way I clean.

Some with whom I have a great degree of trust, I feel comfortable with simply picking up around the house rather than scrubbing each surface.

But, that’s a topic for another conversation.

As you think about the different things that you do prior to having company, why do you do them? What do those activities say about who you are if anything?