It’s Just Information

“It’s just information.”

A few months ago, I was invited by S. Scott Mason to attend a #networking event.

I was able to figure out the “Where,” “What,” “Why” and “How” it was taking place.

The only unanswered question was, “Who” would be there.

I decided to take a chance despite the fear of the unknown.

I reminded myself that in a room where I may not be able to connect with everybody, I was there to connect with somebody.

An hour into the event, I met that somebody.

Christopher Kies.

We connected immediately.

It felt as if we had known each other for years.

We shared one story after another.

Out of all the stories, there’s one that remained in the back of my head.

The story about the bracelet.

The bracelet with “it’s just information” written across it.

A great daily reminder that everything and everyone I am surrounded with is just information.

I get to choose what I #do with that #information.

I get to choose how I #react to that information.

Yesterday, I received my pink bracelet.

Yesterday, I had situations in my life that put the bracelet to work.

With every situation, I looked at the bracelet to remind myself, “It’s just information.”

How do you listen to others?

Are you an active listener?

It has taken me years to learn the difference between listening to understand and listening to respond.

I didn’t think there was one.

Not until I got curious about how I listened to others.

I remember a time when I was on the phone with a close friend of mine.

After a brief overview of our days, she proceeded by telling me a story.

Then, halfway through the conversation she asked, “How would you solve this?”

I froze.

I couldn’t tell a single thing about what she had shared.

I was too focused on creating my own story.

The next New York Times Best Seller.

Prior to that moment, I believed that listening was like playing ping pong 🏓

One person said something.

The other one responded.

It didn’t even have to make sense.

Looking back at it now, I’m surprised by how many conversations I’ve been apart of that follow a similar method.

This onversation with my friend opened my eyes to a completely different world.

It changed the way I converse with others.

It helped me understand the importance of listening for #meaning.

It helped me overcome the temptation of creating my own story while the other person was sharing.

Over the years, I’ve become much better as an #active #listener.

I’ve added more tools to my toolkit to strengthen my active listening skills.

1️⃣ I’ve started to take notes during my conversations. I stopped trusting my ability to remember everything that was said.

2️⃣ I’ve asked relevant questions or made statements that helped clarify what the other person had said.

3️⃣ I’ve intentionally taken the time to pause and reflect before responding. This point has been a tricky one to communicate, as silence is often times perceived as “awkward” or space that needs to be filled immediately. I’ve had to communicate to the other person what and why I was doing it.

How do you listen to others?

What type of information do you listen for?

Was college really worth it?

Was #college really worth it?

The other day, I wrote about what it was like to accept my college diploma, six years post graduation.

The more I looked at the diploma, the more I pondered the questions of, “Was it really worth the investment? Was it really worth the time? Was it really worth the energy?“

The more I asked, the more I discovered.

1. I may not use my degree in its literal form, as a Russian Translator, in my day job; however, if it wasn’t for the classes with Tanya McIntyre, Ph.D., Sue Ellen Wright, Erik Angelone, I may not have ever learned how to effectively understand and communicate with people across different cultures, and how to translate for meaning and not just words. To this day, the principles taught in those classes continue to help me meet a fundamental human need of mine: the desire to understand and to be understood.

2. There hasn’t been a single time throughout my life, outside of organizing events myself or paying thousands of dollars to attend them, when I’ve physically been in the same room as thousands of other people. Thousands of opportunities to meet people who might be able to change the trajectory of my life in an instance. Classrooms at Kent State University offered such opportunities more times than I could count.

3. Had it not been for Craig J. Zamary’s “Introduction to Entrepreneurship” class, I may not have discovered my life’s calling, the desire to help other people overcome their invisibility.

4. Had it not been for weekly meetings on the track field, tossing a frisbee around until sunset, I may not have met some of my lifelong friends. The type of people I can call at any given hour regardless of the circumstances.

5. Had it not been for my desire to explore John S. and Marlene J. Brinzo Center for Entrepreneurship, I may not have met the type of mentor, Mary Heidler, that many wish for.

6. Had the university not been located four hours away, I may not have had the opportunity to create new memories with my parents. The group of people I didn’t have the first 12 years of my life with.

7. Had it not been for Mary Heidler’s suggestion to study abroad, I may not have met an entirely different community of entrepreneurs from all over the world while spending a whole summer in one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever been to, Québec, Canada 🇨🇦

8. Had it not been for the people such as Kate Harmon, Tabitha Messmore, Julie Messing, helping me master my craft as a speaker, I may not have developed the courage to share my story with thousands of strangers from around the world.

9. Had it not been for my desire to explore how curiosity has helped me to overcome the invisibility of being a Kent State University graduate, I may not have discovered all of the benefits and life skills this experience had given me.

For me, attending Kent State University was well worth the investment!

Was college really worth it for you?

Give Yourself Permission to be Curious

𝐆𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 🧐

I was in 9th grade when it happened.

I remember the walk down the narrow halls of Community High School, as I made my way toward, “Introduction to Literature.”

“Please don’t be taken.”

“Please don’t be taken.”

“Please don’t be taken.”

I felt my stomach turn as I turned the handle to either my greatest dream or my worst nightmare.

“Please don’t be taken.”

As I opened the door, it was still there.

The spot in the far, right corner of the room.

The place where I could never be seen.

“Excuse me.”

“Excuse me.”

I placed the pile of 📚 onto the wooden desk to cover half of my upper body.

Then, I slid down the plastic chair to cover the rest.

The rest of my time was spent waiting for the big, round clock, to strike 09:40 AM.

Hoping not to be called on to read out loud.

I repeated such routine for months.

I didn’t expect this day to be any different.

Yet, it was.

The day that changed the trajectory of my life.

I remember as she made her way toward the center of the room.

“Please don’t call on me,” I whispered under my breath.

She proceeded by addressing the entire class.

I don’t remember much of what was said.

I just remember her final words.

“There’s no such thing as a stupid question.”

It took a while to process her words.

Part of me didn’t believe what I just heard.

Then, I felt it.

The sense of freedom or liberation.

I no longer had to ask questions that other people wanted to know answers to 🤯

For years, I kept my hand down.

I didn’t think others wanted to know what I wanted to know.

Her words gave me the permission to ask questions about anything.

Why❓

When❓

Where❓

How❓

What❓

Her words gave me the courage to pursue education of my own terms.

Thank you, Judith DeWoskin, for opening the door to a completely different 🌎

𝐆𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 🧐

Using Curiosity to Overcome Invisibility of Being a Kent State University Graduate

I didn’t go to a prestigious #university (according to some polls).

I was ashamed of saying my university’s name out loud.

Whenever I was asked, “Where did you go to school?” I either dodged the question or lied.

I hid my diploma miles beneath the surface in a plastic box.

The place where it could never be seen.

I remember one of the many times I experienced the shame about this part of my identity.

May 14th, 2016.

I was walking across the stage, as my name was called.

“Oleg Michael Poliner Lougheed.”

It was supposed to be a day to celebrate.

The day to be proud of.

The day to remember.

Not the day to forget.

I remember shaking Beverly Warren’s hand while holding the diploma in the other.

I remember the smile on her face.

I remember the fake smile on mine.

For years, I chose to keep this part of me invisible.

For years, I undervalued my #achievement.

For years, I didn’t choose to see myself as a proud Kent State University graduate.

It wasn’t until a few weeks ago when I chose to explore how curiosity has helped me overcome invisibility of being an adoptee that this invisible part of my identity resurfaced.

My curiosity helped me understand that my narrative of Kent State University not being a prestigious school was not entirely my own.

My curiosity helped me see that the value of the diploma was not only in the things I learned in the classroom, but also the lifelong relationships I built outside of it.

My curiosity helped me develop empathy for how some of my friends might feel having dropped out of college.

It has been six years since I walked across the stage and accepted my diploma.

It is today that I have officially decided to call myself a proud Kent State University #graduate!

When should you visit your birth country?

“When should I visit my birth country?”

On two separate occasions, I had such thought.

The first happened when I was in college.

I remember sitting across one of my college advisors, as he showed me a catalog of programs in Moscow, Saint Petersburg, Nizhny Novgorod.

With each turn of a page, my eyes lit up even more.

What was once a dream slowly becoming a reality.

I couldn’t wait to visit the town I was born in.

I couldn’t wait to see some of my family members.

I couldn’t wait to create new memories with old friends.

Weeks had passed.

I was still determined to make my dream a reality.

I wrote essays to scholarship funds, spoke to former students who had studied at some of these programs, traveled to Washington DC to renew my Russian passport.

All that was left to do was renounce my Russian citizenship, as I couldn’t travel on the US passport while being a citizen of the visiting country.

Then, I found out about the mandatory service requirement all 18-27 males had to fulfill.

I got scared.

Slowly, I began to let go of my dream.

Eight years later, I was in Norway, celebrating Christmas with one of my friends and his family.

The question came up again.

“Maybe this is the time,” I thought to myself.

On a snowy afternoon, I walked to the Russian Embassy in Oslo in an attempt to get more information about how I could fulfill once a dream of mine.

The Russian Embassy was closed.

Part of me was devastated.

The other part made me think that maybe it wasn’t meant to be.

Was I truly ready to confront the past, in-person, for the first time since I was adopted?

Was I truly ready to look my sister in her eyes and ask her questions that I desperately wanted to know answers to?

Was I truly ready to visit my birth Mom’s gravesite?

Questions I simply couldn’t find answers to.

As I’m writing this today and thinking about the initial question, “When should I visit my birth country?” I can’t help but acknowledge the honest truth of it all.

The type of response that has taken me years to accept as a possible answer.

“I don’t know!”

Which elements of your old self are you choosing to hang on to as you’re striving for the next version of your self?

“What do you have to let go of in order to become who you want to be?”

This morning, as I was reading one of S. Scott Mason’s posts about letting go of one’s old version of self, I had realized an important lesson.

One that I chose to overlook for many years.

Lesson: understand which elements of your old self you choose to hang on to during your time of transition from old to new self.

Whenever I wanted to change something in my life, I jumped into it head first, leaving everything behind.

Whether it was a new morning routine, workout pattern … the list goes on.

At first, all of the new changes brought a lot of excitement into my life.

Then, the new changes became overwhelming.

Slowly, this overwhelming feeling became a riddle I simply couldn’t find an answer to.

With Scott Mason’s help, as well as so many others, I have finally found an answer to that riddle.

The new changes became overwhelming because I had no anchors.

Nothing to hang on to, nothing to give me some sense of comfort or support.

I’ve realized that there’s a process to change.

To me, change doesn’t always mean abandoning everything all at once, rather making incremental changes until I am able to fully transition beyond the current circumstances.

Which elements of your old self are you choosing to hang on to as you’re striving for the next version of your self?

Do you know when you need to face a fear or avoid it?

Fight or flight.

This is the core of the sympathetic nervous system.

It is so ingrained in human physiology and psychology that it can be traced to ancient humans.

If a saber tooth tiger was stalking an early man, they had to know how to use their fear to either sprint as fast as they could or overcome the threat with the tools they had at their disposal.

Most humans now do not have the same stresses that our ancestors had.

However, the same response to threats and fears is still very much a part of our being.

The challenge is that this response activates when threats are equally as minor or major.

It takes the wisdom and intellect of an individual to understand what is happening in their body when a perceived threat is presented.

The question then becomes, do you know when you need to face a fear or avoid it? The dilemma: Run away from fear or run to it?

Join Nancy John, Casey Berman and Oleg Lougheed as they express how to successfully navigate #fear and #uncertainty.